Can't Let You Go
by xyouaremylobsterx
Summary: Seven years ago Brittany Pierce's heart got broken. Throughout that time she learnt to let it heal and move on. She thinks her life is going great, that is until the famous singer Santana Lopez comes back into her life. Now Brittany's going to have to decide, will she go with her head or will she go with her heart. -A/U
1. Chapter 1

**Can't Let You Go**

**Chapter One**

_23rd July 2005 _

_The wind was blowing swiftly in the trees, causing a slight breeze to sweep by. The breeze hitting a tanned-Latina girl straight in the face, the girl gasped once it did, like the air was being knocked back into her. She needed that, she felt like she was losing her breath every second she was here, with the beautiful blonde sitting next to her. The perfectly blue sky, allowing the sun to shine onto her golden face, her blue eyes sparkling in the light, the Latina couldn't help but think that this made the whole situation ten times worse. _

_She couldn't do this, how could she possibly do this? She couldn't break her best friend. Not here, not now… not ever. But she knew that she had to. 'It's for the best' she kept saying in her head, even if her entire body made sure she knew that it didn't agree. Especially her heart… it wouldn't just be Brittany's that would break, but at least her heart was prepared. _

_"San, Santana" a hand waved in front of Santana's now pale face. _

_Once she realised that Brittany was calling her, her head turned to face the one person she didn't want to be seeing right now, it just hurt too much when she did. Just like it did when her eyes met Brittany's bright blue ones, she couldn't do this. _

_"I can't do this" she whispered out loud, not realising that she said it out loud until she heard Brittany's angelic voice. _

_"What can't you do San?" she asked, her face scrunching up in confusion. Santana always loved it when she did that, she loved how cute she looked whenever she got confused – which was quite often. But right now Santana couldn't stand it, she didn't want to see it, she didn't want to see her. This was not going to be easy. _

_Their local park was quiet and calm for a sunny day like today. Santana was thankful that they even had wind right now, she loved the breeze hitting her every now and then, this summer was getting too hot. The grass was a lush green and Santana loved to watch the blonde wipe her hands across it, her face always lit up when she would, it was like she was feeling the best material she had ever felt. Brittany always was more of a nature person. Santana loved everything about Brittany, from her cute summery dress she was wearing, right down to the smallest freckle on the tip of her nose. Santana loved Brittany, just like she always would. That's what was making this so much harder for her to do. She simply couldn't do this, but she had to. _

_"I have to do this" she whispered aloud again. This time she realised that she said it out loud, and Brittany's face scrunched up even more when she heard it too. _

_"What can't you do and what do you have to do San?" she asked again, when she didn't get a reply to her first question. _

_Santana immediately looked away, finding the ducks floating on the pond to be a lot more interesting all of a sudden. Why did the day have to be so perfect? It made doing this simply too hard, could she really go through with this. _

_"I signed the contract Britt" Santana simply said instead, after a long silence. She quickly turned to see the blonde's reaction and wasn't surprised to see that beaming smile on her face. God she loved her smile. _

_"That's great Sannie, that's the best news I've heard all week, it definitely beats Lord Tubbington's smoking-free confession" Brittany exclaimed with glee, wrapping her arms around Santana's neck with excitement. _

_Santana just scrunched her eyebrows at what her girl-friend said, like her cat could confess to anything. But Santana immediately shook off the thought as soon as she felt those familiar arms wrap around her. This wasn't helping at all, now all she was getting was a whole bunch of butterflies and tingles coursing through her body. She shivered at the contact; she always used to love that feeling. _

_"I knew you'd be happy to hear that, but… err… you shouldn't be" Santana tried to say in the simplest way. Sometimes Brittany found things hard to understand, she wasn't stupid or anything (Santana knew she was a genius really) her brain just thought differently to everyone else's. _

_"Why not? I've always said you had the best voice in the entire world, we knew you could get that recording contract easily" Brittany admitted._

_Santana knew that already though, she always knew that Brittany would support her in anything she wanted to pursue, and when she told her that she was going to make herself a world-star singer, Brittany was on board the whole way. Just like everyone else was too when she let them know, even if it did take Rachel a few months to accept that she wasn't going to be the first person to be famous in their glee club. Santana just didn't _want_ her to be happy about this, she wanted her to have stopped the whole idea right from the beginning, maybe then she wouldn't have to do what she has to do now. Maybe then she would still have Brittany. _

_"You can't be happy about it Britt because… because there are consequences, for what I want to do" Santana told her. But she knew that she wasn't getting through to her when Brittany's confused face came back again. That was when Santana knew that she would just have to cut to the chase, no matter how hard it would be._

_"I'm leaving…" _

_Brittany's face fell. Her bright-blue eyes suddenly losing that special twinkle. Santana immediately regretted what she said, but she couldn't, not when what she said was the truth. _

_"What do you mean San?" Brittany asked, her voice suddenly going quiet and croaky. Santana knew that she understood she just didn't know how she would take it. _

_"I'm leaving Britt… my family and I are leaving Lima" Santana managed to get out through choked sobs, she really didn't want to cry, she knew it would make it worse for Brittany, but the tears just feel on their own accord. _

_"B-but you're coming back right? You'll come to see us for holidays and stuff right?" Brittany asked, her eyes looking so hopeful, Santana just couldn't take it. _

_All she could do was shake her head, her voice wasn't even coming out anymore, and it seemed like she wasn't going to breath anymore either when she saw the tears stream down Brittany's perfectly golden-tanned skin. She was beautiful and so very perfect, and Santana had just broken her. _

_"I'm so sorry Britt… they didn't tell me this until after I had signed, but it turns out that I have to move to New York immediately. My parent's had already agreed without me knowing, they assumed that I would be okay with it, of course I wasn't going to be okay, and I told them that Britt… I told them" Santana rambled on; it seemed once she said it she couldn't stop explaining. _

_She wanted Brittany to fully understand, even if it meant that it would take her until the next year to do so, at least she would understand. Brittany meant the world to her, and she was loosing her. "But it was too late, it was all too late. We're moving tomorrow and then, we're never coming back." _

_"What! Of course your coming back, don't be a silly-duck San. You have to come back… for Quinn and Puck and everyone else in Glee!" Brittany shouted out. This surprised Santana the most, she had never heard Brittany shout before, and when she did, she knew that she never wanted to hear it again. Even if she did find it cute how Brittany could be the only person to still use random words whilst in an argument. _

_She and Brittany both knew that Santana wasn't going to come back, not for Quinn or Puck or anyone else. She would only ever come back for one person and she and Brittany both knew who that was. _

_"For me" Brittany whispered._

_Her face suddenly going pale, her smile seemed like it would never be seen again as her frown took over. Her eyes seemed to have lost all meaning to happiness, they were so empty and cold, no longer the brightness that everyone knew and loved. Santana broke her. _

_"I can't Britt, not for anyone. SJF Records own me now, I go wherever they want me too, it turns out that's the teenage celebrity life. And seeing as Lima is such a small town, I won't be needed here, so once I leave, I leave. I can't come back to a place where I'm not needed, that's not my life anymore" Santana explained some more. Making sure that each word came out slowly and properly, she needed Brittany to get it all, so that maybe one day she could look back and truly get what she was saying. _

_"Why are you acting like a celebrity already, you haven't even released a song yet!" Brittany exclaimed, all her emotions finally getting to her. She couldn't let her leave. Santana meant everything to her, Santana was hers and no one else's, just like she was Santana's. They couldn't do this to them. They just simply couldn't. _

_Then as if she finally started to realise what Santana had first said she leaped onto Santana and wrapped her arms around her neck again. But this time it wasn't out of joy or even sadness, she was holding onto the one thing that meant anything to her, and she was never going to let go. Santana was leaving. _

_Santana wrapped her arms protectively around Brittany's waist, like instinct had taken over her. She would always do this whenever the blonde was upset. She would hold her and whisper sweet nothings into her ear until she fell asleep. But for some reason Santana knew that no matter how long she would hold Brittany, she wasn't going to fall asleep. Not because they were in a local park, which was suddenly starting to feel so cold and almost too quiet now, but because Brittany had finally got it. She was leaving her. _

_After what felt like hours holding Brittany in her arms, but was probably only a few minutes, Santana figured out that Brittany really wasn't going to let go anytime soon. She decided that it was time for her to head home. She started to wriggle under Brittany's arms, but the blonde wasn't budging. Under normal circumstances Santana would have burst into laughter and probably would've started to tickle fight Brittany until she let go and they both would've ended up in tears of laughter. But this wasn't a normal circumstance, they were never going to have a normal circumstance ever again, and they both knew it. As if Brittany read Santana's mind, she immediately held onto the Latina tighter. She squeezed and squeezed until she realised that it was a person she was squeezing, not a teddy-bear in her bedroom. And that person happened to be the tear-stained Latina in her arms, whom now seemed to be fighting for air. Brittany started to loosen her hold straight away, once she caught on, but she didn't let go. She couldn't. _

_"B, you have to let me go" Santana said quietly, as she was still trying to get her air back into her. _

_Brittany just shook her head in response. _

_"It's for the best B. You know that I won't allow you to try and follow me right?" Santana asked rhetorically, she wasn't expecting a reply but Brittany nodded her head anyway. At least she was starting to understand. _

_"I know." She whispered so quietly Santana barely heard her. _

_"You're going to be fine Britt. You'll be perfectly fine without me. I know you won't believe that just yet, but you will. One day" Santana told Brittany, her honesty shining through, she could always be perfectly honest with Brittany, she always was. _

_"You won't ever loose me San" those were the last words Brittany said, before she finally let go. _

_She looked into her favourite brown eyes one last time, seeing the honesty and hurt behind them, and when she looked really carefully deep down she could see the love too. That was when Brittany knew that Santana was doing this all for her, because she loved her. Brittany wanted her to become famous and so she did, and now it seemed that they were both paying the price. It was all too late, Brittany had to let her go, for both their sakes, they had to go their own way. Santana could see the deep concentration on Brittany's face, she knew that she was thinking hard, about everything, and when the blonde gave her a tight-lipped, simple nod, she knew. Brittany may not understand now, but she knew, that one day she truly would. Brittany understood that now, and so she let go. _

_Brittany's warm and smooth arms fell off of Santana's neck. The coldness of the park suddenly came rushing back to her. She shivered at the lose of contact as the wind touched her now bare neck; suddenly she didn't want her to let go. She watched as Brittany slowly started to move back, like as if she was finally separating herself from Santana. They were no longer 'one', they were no longer Brittany and Santana; Brittany leaned all the way back. She got up, quickly rubbed off the grass on the back of her dress, and started to walk away. They were now officially Brittany S. Pierce, and Santana Lopez. They were on their own now, and Santana's heart broke. She watched as the one person who ever meant anything to her, walked away…_

* * *

_Present Day _

_23rd March 2012_

Santana jumped up from her bed, her breathing fast-paced, her forehead full of perspiration and her heart was beating a mile-a-minute. She had the flash-back again. She always had some kind-of flash-back and she never really understood why she would. She hadn't seen that blonde beauty in so long, too long. But this time it was different. She seemed to be only having this one particular flash-back and this time she knew why.

Suddenly nothing mattered anymore, she didn't care that it was probably four in the morning, or that she had to have a decent nights sleep this time as she was scheduled for a very hectic day coming up (just like every other day of hers) and she didn't care that she could be interrupting a person from whatever they may be doing at this time of day. All that mattered was that she had her phone at arms length, at all times, and that she had one particular number saved onto her contacts list. All that mattered was that she could call this person right here, right now, and that's what Santana planned to do.

She pushes her finger onto the call sign, on her new iPhone, and hears it ringing instantly. She shoves the phone onto her ear, praying that the girl will answer, she needs her to answer. When she hears the all too familiar 'Hello' come from the other end, Santana breaths a sigh of relief.

"Quinn, it's me… Santana" she says nervously.

She knows that the girl is probably surprised that she still has her number; after all she hasn't spoken to her in what feels like forever, but is probably only a few years. She really should keep in contact more, but its pretty hard to when your Santana freakin' Lopez and everyone knows who you are. But she was just scared that they might not remember her, that she might have forgotten her.

But as soon as she hears Quinn say "Ahh, the all famous Santana Lopez" she knows that she didn't even need to worry.

Everyone remembers Santana, how can they not when she's everywhere they look, one of the perks of being a celebrity. Then Santana remembers why she even called the shorter blonde in the first place, and suddenly, being a celebrity just wasn't worth it anymore. And that's when Santana breaks down.

"She's getting married Q… Brittany's getting married" Santana chokes out through hard tears.

She had lost her. Santana was officially broken…


	2. Chapter 2

**Can't Let You Go**

**Chapter Two**

They say that living is the best feeling in the world. Well their wrong, whoever might have said that, their wrong. Living sucks. Being dead is the best feeling in the world.

Brittany died.

It might not have been physically, but mentally, she died. And for that year and a half, it was the only true feeling she had.

The day Santana told her she was leaving was the day Brittany died. In a way, she'd never been the same since. She had still lost a part of herself too, a part of her that was worth living for. But now that it's gone, she didn't feel the need to live anymore. She couldn't, Brittany simply couldn't live without her, she was apart of her. And then she was gone. Just like that. And Brittany didn't look back. She was dieing when she walked away, when she got home and her head hit her pillow, she was dead. And she had never been the same since.

* * *

_23rd July 2005_

_ Blonde hair, sprawled out all over a pillow, pale skin, going white. A body lying on a bed, never moving, not even a flinch. Bright blue eyes, now turned a cold grey, shining through the dark empty air, in the dark and empty bedroom. Not a single sound, nothing moved. Silent tears falling out of dry eyes, dripping onto the silky cushion. The only thing breathing was suddenly gone, nothing breathed. _

_ 'She's leaving' _

_ A loud gasp, echoed throughout the black room. Then a choke and a dry cough, and then another, and another. The breathing turned heavy, short and quick. Like panting, light sniffs could be heard at the same time. The pale face turned bright red in an instant. The panting and gasping never stopping, the tears still falling. _

_ 'We're moving tomorrow and then, we're never coming back.' Santana's angelic voice echoed throughout __Brittany__'s brain. It was the only thing she could hear. The only thing she wanted to hear. _

_ 'She's not coming back.' That was the last thing __Brittany__ heard herself say, before everything went black. That was the moment __Brittany__ died. _

_ Slow, heavy breathing was the first thing she could hear. A small squeeze was felt on her hand. __Brittany__ opened her eyes to find herself still in her room. But this time it looked a bit brighter, it didn't feel so empty all of a sudden. She looked down to see where the squeezing came from and found a similar pale hand to hers. It was placed gently on her hand, which she noticed wasn't even pale anymore. It didn't look like her fresh glowing skin she would see everyday. It was white, almost grey, and clammy; she knew it was probably cold too. Coldness was the only feeling she felt on the inside. _

_ "That's it honey, keep breathing in and out" __Brittany__ heard a gentle, warm voice say beside her. _

_ She looked to see the source of the voice and came face to face with a tight-lipped, smiling pale face. Her eyes were the same light-blue that hers used to be, watery tears filling them. __Brittany__ could tell straight away that her mother was trying to be strong, but her sad expression told her otherwise. Brittany didn't recognise this side to her mother, she had never seen her look so hurt before, so worried. It was like she would breakdown if __Brittany__ so much as moved. So she didn't. She sat still, with the paper bag in hand, around her mouth, which __Brittany__ found was the source to the crisp noise she could hear. Her breathing was beginning to slow down. But __Brittany__ could still feel the tears falling down her cold cheek. Brittany was surprised she could feel anything, she didn't think she would. _

_ Brittany started to slowly bring the bag down, the paper bag noise was now gone, her deep breathing no longer deep. She was just breathing. _

_Once the bag was placed on her flowery bedcover, __Brittany__ brought her hand slowly to her forearm. She quickly pinched the cold skin. She felt the light sting, __Brittany__ winced at the feeling. Why could she feel it? She wasn't supposed to feel anything, she was dead. Why wasn't she dead? So she pinched her arm again, and then again and again. Each pinch getting harder and more painful. She would wince each time she felt the sting. She didn't want to feel the sting. _

_ "__Brittany__, stop it." Her mum slapped her hand away from her arm. "What do you think your doing?" she asked fiercely. _

_ Brittany looked into her mothers eyes, she noticed that the dam had now broken; her blue eyes were no longer watery but filled with fresh tears spilling down her face. She had broken her mother. _

_ "I'm feeling things. Why am I feeling anything? I'm supposed to be dead" __Brittany__ blurted out, her voice croaky from the never ending tears. _

_ "No your not, don't you ever say that __Brittany__." Her mother told her sternly, she felt her mother's warm hands press onto her arm, there eyes locked onto each others. "You're not dead, okay? You're not going to die, not anytime soon, okay? Not while I'm still around you're not. I love you too much to let you, do you understand?" She asked her daughter quietly, making sure her voice remained gentle the whole time. _

_ Brittany weakly nodded her head, before bursting into loud sobs and falling into her mothers welcoming arms. She couldn't fight it anymore._

_ "She's leaving, mummy. Santana's leaving and she's never coming back. Not even for me" __Brittany__ choked out through her hard tears. _

_ "I know sweetie, I know" her mother rocked her gently to and fro, just like she used to when she was her little baby girl in her arms. "It's okay; everything is going to be okay?" _

_And for a short while, __Brittany__ truly believed her. Everything _was_ going to be okay. _

* * *

_Present Day_

_23rd March 2012_

She had died in her mothers arms that day, but with her reassurance Brittany started to come back to earth. She may never feel complete again, but with her mothers support, she was well on her way to recovery.

After a while, everything was okay. It took her a year and half, but eventually Brittany started to feel her soul coming back to her. She no longer felt so cold. But she wasn't warm yet either. She wasn't the bubbly girl everyone knew anymore. That changed when she met him, the old Brittany started to come back again, slowly.

She met him, James Mills, and he was everything Brittany needed and more. He was her friend. He looked after her, when no one else could. He was there for her, day and night. All she had to do was call. He was slowly beginning to become her missing puzzle piece. He was her guardian angel, and for that she would forever be thankful. He was perfect, but not at the same time.

There was something missing, something Brittany couldn't quite figure out at first. But when she did, she realised just how obvious it was. Just how _true_ it was.

He wasn't Santana.

And yet a part of Brittany needed him. Brittany knew that she needed Santana to breathe, but she _needed_ James to live. He was her recovery; he was slowly bringing her back to life. And that was all she needed to know.

"Brittany, babe, are you okay?" Brittany was slowly brought out of her thoughts at the sound of a tired, deep voice.

She turned towards James' slightly tanned, masculine face. She looked at the way his light brown hair tussled when the air would hit it. She looked at his tight-jawed face and noticed his good looks. He was certainly a charmer, that's what made Brittany like him just that little bit more. But whenever she would look at him, she couldn't help but agree with her head.

He was nothing like Santana.

When she looked back at James and saw his worried expression, Brittany quickly nodded her head. She didn't like to make him worry. After that day her mother rescued her, she didn't like to make anyone worry. She never wanted to make someone look the way her mother looked that day, so weak and so fragile. But she knew that what her mum must have seen, when she found her, would have been so much worse. Her mum never tells her, but Brittany can still see the pain in her eyes, even after all these years. From that day on, Brittany vowed to never make anyone worry; it hurt her too much when she did.

When she saw James' face no longer look upset, Brittany smiled. She stopped him from feeling worried. James smiled back before leaning back in bed, and going back to sleep.

Brittany stayed sitting up in bed, she turned her head back to the slightly open window and was immediately filled up with her thoughts all over again.

She didn't expect to ever fall for anyone. She didn't think she would ever look at anyone the same way again. And apart of her didn't want to. That was the part of her where Santana used to be. But she wasn't there anymore. Brittany knew that now, it took her a while to fully realise it, but she knew it now.

And that was all she needed to know.

When she met James, he made her smile again from day one, and Brittany knew straight away that she would have to keep him in her life. She didn't expect them to be anything more than friends at first. But once she realised that she had been 'friends' with him for almost four years she began to try seeing him in a different way. When she noticed that she could learn to love him – not just like him – she decided to give him a chance. Mercedes and Tina always encouraged her right from the beginning, even if Quinn always did try to find something wrong with him (and still did to this day); she knew that they were right. So she gave it a go and found that she didn't regret it. Not one bit.

It didn't feel right at first, James knew that too. He was very understanding, another thing she liked about him. He had the patience to wait. Although she wouldn't have minded if he was impatient, even just a little bit.

Santana always was.

But he understood, so they took things slow. For a long while, but when it began to reach a year Brittany knew that James wouldn't wait around forever. He didn't force her, he never forced her. She wanted it, and so she got it. And the two had been happy ever since. So when they're third year anniversary came around, Brittany understood his reason to propose. That's not to say that she liked it (a small part of her was still hoping on all hopes for the inevitable, but it never happened), she learned to like it. Plus she couldn't turn him down in a public restaurant. So she did the one thing she could do, she said 'yes' and they have been happy ever since.

That was two days ago. Brittany knew why they were happy; it was because they hadn't told anyone yet. They were planning to do it at a party, which was to be thrown in a week's time. Brittany wasn't looking forward to it, she had a feeling that when they would tell everyone, their little 'happiness' would be no more. Brittany knew that when they did tell everyone she wouldn't feel happy anymore, because the reality of it will hit her, it'll hit her like a ton of bricks. And she wasn't looking forward to that one bit. She was settled, she was happy, she was fine. She didn't want reality to come and knock it down.

* * *

**Huh, Will reality come and knock it down? Or will that just be Santana? who knows, but what do you think? tell me by kindly leaving a review below, it'll make me smile I swear hehe :D **

**And thank you to all those who have favourited and followed and reviewed, it all means a lot, plus its all making me write faster meaning quicker updates, so its a win-win for all :)) **

**I shall go now and leave you all to your thoughts, have a nice day - Y.A.M.L **


	3. Chapter 3

**Can't Let You Go**

**Chapter Three**

_7th August 2005_

# I thought I saw a woman brought to life,

_ A quiet, croaky voice sang out slowly into the almost pitch-black room. Brittany's room was always dark now, the curtains always closed, nothing ever moving, the room never saw the light of day anymore. It was cold and empty, just like her. Her bedroom spoke volume; because __Brittany__ couldn't seem to speak anymore, so her bedroom did the talking for her. _

She was warm,

She came around,

And she was dignified,

_ Brittany's voice choked out, each word coming out slower as she pictured the one person she could never seem to get out of her mind anymore. Her pale, white body lay perfectly still on her bedroom floor. Her vulnerable nakedness making her skin shine throughout her room. Tears slowly trickled down her stone-hard face, but she didn't stop them this time, she simply let them fall. Her bare arms lying naked next to her. A plain grey top crumpled up in her stone cold hand. _

_Brittany__ didn't know how long she had been on the floor for, she didn't care either. Just like she didn't care that she was completely naked and her bedroom door wasn't locked so just about anyone could come running in. She didn't care that the last thing she could remember was taking her clothes off for her bath. She didn't care that her bath was most probably freezing cold by now. She didn't care that she had been singing the same song that she simply couldn't get out of her head since she first heard it three days ago, over and over again. She didn't care that the plain grey top she was holding belonged to _her_. She didn't care that it was the last remaining thing she had of hers. She didn't care that she had been holding it in her hands for days now. She didn't care that her friends were starting to worry about her because of it. __Brittany__ simply didn't care about anything anymore. She didn't want too. _

_ The only thing that she cared about had left. The only thing she loved and was meant to tell her she loved her this summer was now gone. She had left her. This fact was the only thing __Brittany__ cared about anymore. _

_ 'She showed me what it was to cry.' __Brittany__ said the words instead. _

_Her voice sounded so empty and so raw, like she no longer held any emotions, but too much at the same time. Her tears became stronger at those words, they broke through her barriers and she didn't bother to try and stop them from doing so. She just lay perfectly still on her bedroom floor, with the top in hand. _

There's nothing where she used to lie.

_Brittany__ sang out truthfully, her head instinctively looking at the right side of her bed. It looked so tall and long from where she lay. It looked so bare and naked too, like something was missing. That was the side where _she_ always slept, __Brittany__'s was the left. She could distinctly hear her voice echoing into her ear. _

_ '_I_ sleep on the right, _you_ the left' she could hear her angelic voice telling her. __Brittany__ remembered herself giggling at this, she always used to giggle. But then again they were nine years old when she first slept over. _

_ 'Why do _you_ get the right side?' she could hear her squeaky, younger voice asking her friend._

_ 'Because… cause I'm always right' she told her simply. _

_Brittany could still see her cute face nod like she was agreeing with the statement, before she folded her arms in that bored way she always would. _

_Brittany__ would always remember her, no matter what; she was always in her thoughts. Brittany's heart started to ache, she flinched at the feeling. 'Why was it hurting?' __Brittany__ asked herself. She didn't even know anymore. _

My conversation has run dry,

That's what's going on,

Nothing's right,

I'm torn.

_ Brittany flinched again, as her heart ached once more. A cold shiver ran through her body. Her silent tears never stopping. Brittany was a mess, but she still didn't care. _

I'm all out of faith

This is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed

Lying naked on the floor

_Brittany__ shrugged at this, like she was proving that she didn't care about that anymore. _

Illusion never changed,

Into something real,

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn.

You're a little late,

_ Brittany's body started to slowly shake, it knew what was coming next and her body would re-act the same way every time she got to that part of the song. _

_ 'I'm already torn' she said the words again, slowly and ever so quietly, as if she only wanted herself to hear the words. _

_ 'I'm already torn' she repeated singing it this time around, it came out faster and shakier as her tears turned into hard sobs._

_ Her loud crying broke the quietness of her room. Her heart beated in pain at the feeling of her raw emotions. Her voice turned into a shriek when she felt her heartache reach all over her body. The cold shiver came back; it ran down her spine, down her motionless arms and legs, all the way to the tips of her feet and forefingers. Her right hand flinched at the coldness. Her hand becoming sweaty started to loosen its grip with the top in her hand. As she flinched it caused the top to flick away from her hands and land out of her reach. __Brittany__ shrieked out again._

_ She was losing control of everything and it was hurting her so much. Everything was beginning to hurt; she could still feel the aching in her body. And now she had lost contact of the top. She was losing her…_

_ Brittany started to screech, she thrashed her arms and legs about frantically as she tried to get the thought out of her head. She began shaking her head in frustration. Nothing was going right. She hadn't moved her body in so long that she was beginning to get pins and needles running through her too. This only increasing her frustration and hurt. _

_Brittany__ was torn. _

_ A loud 'crash' broke into her room, __Brittany__ wanted to know what that sudden light was all of a sudden, but she couldn't seem to stop. Her anger and emotions were becoming too strong, she had bottled it up for so long that she was finally erupting, and she was taking it all out on herself. _

_ Brittany's crying never ending, every heart beat aching, and the brightness bursting through her room was burning her. She wanted to tell whoever it was to go away, to get the hell out and leave her alone, but the only thing she could seem to get out was the only other thing she was thinking. _

_ "There's nothing where she used to lie!" she screeched out in agony, the words hurting her so much. _

_ "There's nothing, nothing" she said before bursting into tears. _

_Brittany__ could hear a loud scream before she heard footsteps running over to her. _

_ "Ittany, Ittany stop it" she heard her younger sister say, Brittany felt soft hands grab her arms and felt them try to pull them down and keep them there. _

_Her sister didn't even seem to care that she didn't have a thing on her. She didn't seem phased at all that she could practically see her older sister's breast's, or see how hard her nipples were because of the coldness in the air. Her sister wasn't bothered at all; she just came along, told her to stop and held her arms down, like as if it were something she had done before._

_ But __Brittany__ needed to let it all out; she couldn't hold it in anymore. It was all her fault. She let her go, she didn't even try to stop her and now she was paying for the consequences. It was all her fault; she wasn't ready to stop yet. So she didn't she kept trying to fight her, but she forgot how strong her little sister could be sometimes. She was only five yet she kept her grip in place, __Brittany__'s arms could hardly move, so she kept thrashing her legs instead. Brittany turned her head to the side, and was meet with the fierceness of her little sisters eyes, like hers they were bright blue too, but bigger and bolder. But right now they weren't as sparkly and playful as they usually were, they had turned a misty blue colour instead, her eyes were beginning to water. __Brittany__ could see the fear in her eyes and it was because of that that she started to calm her movements and anger. She started to control her emotions again. She was losing control of everything, but when it came to her younger sister, she would do anything to make sure she only saw the best in people too, just like __Brittany__ used to do. __Brittany__ wanted to be a good role model for her to look up too. She never had that (in a form of a sister), so she would do anything to make sure that Hayleigh had that. She couldn't stand to see her so scared. That was the moment she vowed to never let her sister look like that again, no matter what. _

_Brittany__ went back to her stillness after a short while of calming down. Her sister never once letting go of her. She was keeping her grounded. _

_"Okay, Ittany?" she heard her sister ask after a moment of silence. _

_Brittany couldn't seem to get any words out anymore, so she simply nodded her head instead. Brittany felt her frustration start to fade away, but the pain in her heart was still there, it wasn't going. __Brittany__'s body started to shake all over again, her cries never ceasing. Hayleigh's eyes broke into fear for the second time, her watery eyes turning into full on tears, and Brittany hated herself even more for making her feel like that again. But she couldn't stop the tears, or the pain, so she let them fall instead. _

_ "Mummy!" Hayleigh screeched out, when she saw __Brittany__'s face wince and her tears never stopping. _

_ As soon as the words came out, her mother was at the door and running to her side like a bullet. __Brittany__ turned away as soon as she heard her mother coming towards them. She couldn't bear to see the hurt in her eyes again. She always looked at her with the same look in her eyes now, and __Brittany__ couldn't stand it. It made her feel ten times worse. _

_ She felt her mother's gentle hand stroke the top of her unwashed head, whilst the other hand was gently placed on her forearm. She could hear her mother start to shush her tears away. _

_ When her tears started to die down, and she found that she was no longer shaking, her mum learned forward and placed a soft kiss on her forehead before whispering reassuring words into her ear. __Brittany__ always felt better when her mum would do this; it was like she was her medicine whenever she felt upset. _

_Brittany__ suddenly felt herself shiver as the coldness finally made it known to her. That was when she realised just how cold she actually was, she must have felt like ice to her mother. Brittany still kept her head to the side, though, she still couldn't look her in the eyes and see the pain. _

_ After a short while of comfortable silence she felt her mum lean back and felt her sister's hands leave her arms. _

_ "Is there water in your bath, sweetie?" __Brittany__ heard her mum ask her. __Brittany__ still unable to speak just nodded her head in reply. This seemed good enough for her mum as she then turned to her sister. _

_ "Hayleigh, sweetie, could you go run your sister a bath please?" her mum asked Hayleigh._

_ Hayleigh didn't even bother to complain or give an excuse as to why she wouldn't do it, like she usually would have. She may only be five, but she wasn't stupid. She knew that her sister was hurt, she may not know why, but she knew that she needed help right now. So that's what Hayleigh decided to do. Brittany felt her sister quickly leave her side and heard the little patter of her feet fade away as she got nearer to the bathroom. _

_Brittany__ heard her sister turn the tap on and could hear the cascade of water hitting the bath. She could practically hear Hayleigh trying to deicide whether she should add bubble bath or not, and she wanted to laugh at the cute face she knew would be on her sisters face right about now. But she couldn't, her face stayed emotionless. She hardly ever smiled anymore, ever since she left, those awful two weeks ago. _

_ Everything was so calm and quiet; __Brittany__ didn't want to move as she was scared that she would ruin it. So she lay motionless, letting her nakedness shine through. She closed her eyes as she felt the peacefulness of her room now. She knew that she was still crying, her tears never seemed to want to stop, they'd been falling ever since she came into her room to prepare for bed. Even though it was still light out at the time, Brittany found sleep to be the only thing she ever did. _

_ She would still do Cheerio's practice – even though she hardly knew why as it wasn't the same without her – and she would go to her motocross club too, but that was mainly because her mum would drag her there. She hardly ever left the house now, and __Brittany__ began to wonder if she ever would. She didn't feel like doing anything anymore. Not without her. So she wouldn't do anything, maybe that's why she found herself lying naked on the floor again. She always seemed to do that now; she hadn't slept in her bed in days. But this was the first time she had ever been caught. And in a way she was kind of happy about it. Her family really did care. _

_ "__Brittany__" a gentle whisper was heard through __Brittany__'s ear. _

_ "Brittany, come on, up you get, dear" she heard her mums' soft voice speaking calmly to her. _

_She felt her warm hands press onto her upper arms, pulling them up slowly. __Brittany__ groaned in reply. She was still a bit dazed from her short nap. She certainly wasn't ready to come back to reality just yet. Not when she had another dream of her. _

_ When she felt the patient tugging of her mother, though, she decided to at least try to get up. She opened her eyes, slowly but surely, and the blurry vision of her flowery bedroom wall was the first thing she could see. She started to squint a bit, to get her vision back to normal, and after a short while of staring straight forward, her eyesight started to come back to her. _

_ She started to slowly make her way up off the floor, her mother helping her by pulling her up by her hands now instead. Once she was up a massive shiver went straight through her, Brittany looked down at her body, and found that she was still stark naked, but when she looked at the place where she laid – for what must have been hours – she noticed a thin blanket sprawled out on the floor. She immediately looked at her mum, and could see the worry in her eyes as if she was afraid she might have done something wrong. Brittany immediately softened her cold features and simply said her thanks through her eyes, as she still couldn't move her mouth yet. Her mum just nodded in understanding, before leading her step by step to the bathroom. _

_ It was from that moment on when everything seemed to happen in a quick blur. __Brittany__ didn't know why, but everywhere she looked she could see her. When she looked at her bedroom door she could see pictures of her friends, and right in the middle of a collage of them was a picture of _her_. She was looking straight at the camera, with one of her hardly ever seen natural smiles on her face; her shoulders were scrunched up as she held her thumbs up. _

_ 'Why have you put that there, San?' A thirteen year old __Brittany__ asked her friend. She just simply shrugged before answering. _

_ 'Well, that's a good luck sign right?' she asked __Brittany__ rhetorically, but she nodded her head anyway. 'Well then it's so you'll always have good luck' she told her, before she broke out into that massive smile only __Brittany__ could ever see._

_Brittany__ broke down. Her heart burned with a fierce stinging, almost stabbing-like pain shooting through her veins. Her eyes stung with the constant crying she seemed to be doing but she couldn't help it, they would just fall on their own accord. __Brittany__ shook with rage and sadness as every memory of her came back into her head. She was haunting her brain. __Brittany__ couldn't take it. _

_ She closed her eyes for a second and the next thing she knew she was in her mothers' arms, her tears leaking through her mums' shirt. But her mum didn't mind as she simply started shushing her again, trying to get her to calm down, but her body wouldn't let her. Her eyes began to sting again, so she closed them to stop the pain, when she opened them once more she was in the bathroom. She looked at the bubble-less bath and saw little bath confetti's floating around in the water. She would've chuckled at Hayleigh's attempt to at least make her bath relaxing, but she still couldn't. So she cried even more. _

_ She didn't even remember closing her eyes for the third time, but for some reason __Brittany__ suddenly found herself inside the bath, the confetti's long since dissolved. The warmth hit her like a burning fire; her frozen body wasn't prepared for the sudden heat. When she closed her eyes again she felt water hitting her head, she felt her mums gentle hand running through her knotty blonde locks, as she hadn't bothered to brush them that day. Then she felt another cup full of water hit her head, it ran down her shoulders and down her arms landing back into the bath again. When she opened her eyes she found that her tears had now turned to light sobs, but her body still shook with every sob coming out of her thin lips. _

She _always loved her lips. __Brittany__ remembered her telling her that every time their lips would connect with each others. They weren't the average best friends, they were more like friends with benefits, but they made it work. They were going to make it work even more during the summer holiday too; __Brittany__ knew just what they were meant to do this summer. _

_ They were supposed to hang out everyday, go to the park, like they always would, talk until the sun came down, go back to her house, steal some alcohol that would always be in their fridge, climb to the roof and sit on their favourite spot and talk some more. About anything and everything and from there __Brittany__ would've made it official. She would've said everything her friend wanted her to say when they were in Junior year of school, she would've told her how much she needed her and loved her and how she wished she had never chosen Artie, how this year – Senior year – was going to be their year, how they would be together forever, like they knew they always would be. They would've done all of that and so much more, but reality took it all away._

_ Brittany was living in a fairytale, not everything was all sugar and spice and all things nice, life didn't work out that way, __Brittany__ knew that now. But that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt any less, because it didn't, it hurt so much more than that instead. _

_Brittany__ missed her; she missed her so much that it was killing her. _

_ She heard a slight whimper come out her mothers' lips and when she finally looked her in the eyes she could see the look of sympathy and worry. She looked so hurt and broken, she knew that she had said her thoughts out loud again, and that only made __Brittany__ cry more. _

_ "I miss her so much." _

* * *

_Present Day – One Days Later_

_25th March 2012_

_# I'm all out of faith,_

_This is how I feel,_

_I'm cold and I am shamed_

_Lying naked on the floor,_

_Illusion never changed,_

_Into something real,_

_I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn,_

_You're a little late-,_

Brittany switched the radio off so fast she was lucky she didn't break the button. She didn't want to hear the rest; it was bad enough that she had to re-live through that day again. She never wanted to remember that moment, her mother and sister sure as hell didn't, they knew Brittany didn't want to talk about it, so they never did. She was still grateful, though, she didn't know what she would've done if they weren't there that night.

She never wanted to feel like that again, so vulnerable and weak. And she knew that she never would. She was with James now, and with James everything was okay. She felt safe, she felt secure, like she knew exactly what would happen with her life. She was settled and she couldn't ask for anything better than that. No matter how much she still found herself begging for the inevitable. She just wanted to see her again. Even just for a little while.

Then as if the heavens heard her prayer, she heard it.

Brittany never was one for long silences anymore; she had had her fare share with them enough in her past. Her family and friends always wanting to ask how she was or if she knew anything about her at all, but seeing the sadness in her eyes, never being brave enough to actually go through with it, so they would just be silent instead. She always hated when that happened, that was when she learnt that she would never go through a long, awkward silence again.

So when she found that her car was starting to be filled with too much tension and silence she simply _had_ to turn the radio back on, but changing the channel as soon as she did. And when she finally settled for one she was not prepared for what she heard next. The radioman's voice broke through Brittany's quiet car.

"It's now time for some new footage, the lady who's been making her name known since two-thousand and five has finally come back with a bang. I mean her last song was incredible but I have a feeling that this little beauty will head straight to number one in less than a week. That's right ladies and gents; it's the brilliant 'Someone like you' by Santana Lopez."

That was all Brittany needed to hear for her heart to race a mile-a-minute and for her head to suddenly become so dizzy and weak. She hadn't heard a song from Santana in months now, she thought she never would hear one again, but it seemed fate other plans. Before she could think about it anymore, her car was filled with the one voice she hadn't heard in so long, the beautiful, raspy tone making her belly flutter and her skin tingle, just like it always did.

_# I heard that your,_

_Settled down,_

_That you,_

_Found a girl and your,_

_Married now_

Brittany immediately pulled over when the song began; she knew she wouldn't be able to drive with her singing in the background. Brittany noticed just how tender and soft her voice was, it was so gentle that it hurt Brittany's heart all over again. When the words echoed throughout her small, mini car – the one that she had always wanted and that James was kind enough to get for her birthday present – she knew instantly who the song was aimed at.

She looked at the small, eight carat, diamond engagement ring on her finger. It was a beautiful ring, and Brittany was more than happy to wear it, she knew that it would have cost way more than James could afford and that's what made Brittany like it even more. It came from the heart and so she was thrilled to have it, but when she looked at it now, she couldn't help but see how small it actually was. It didn't seem to gleam right, there was no sparkle when it hit the sunlight, and she couldn't help but feel that it simply didn't look right on her pale finger. And when she thought about it, she knew exactly why that was.

It wasn't the ring she grew up expecting. It wasn't from Santana.

_# I heard that your dreams came true,_

_Guess she gave you things,_

_I didn't give to you_

Brittany wanted to scream out to the world, she wanted to break the radio for doing this to her. She wasn't meant to feel like this again. She wanted to scream at Santana.

How could she even begin to think that her dreams came true? How could they come true when she was the one who was always in it?

They had been best friends from the age of six; of course Santana was going to be her dream. She never expected anything else. But they're not six anymore, they're twenty-four now, and Brittany was older and smart enough to know that sometimes dreams don't come true. Sometimes in life you just have to be grateful with what you have and work around that.

Brittany looked at her ring again, and put on a smile. She was happy. She and James were happy, and that's the way it was going to stay.

_# I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn't stay awake,_

_I couldn't fight it._

_I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded,_

_That for me, it isn't over_

'What the?" was the only thing Brittany could think. 'It isn't over' Santana's raspy voice repeated itself through Brittany's head.

Was that true? Is that what she really felt? And if it was, what was she supposed to do about it?

Brittany's head was getting so mixed up and confused, all the unanswered questions driving her mind crazy. She didn't know what she was supposed to do or feel, so instead she just let the tears stream down her face. Of its own accord, just like they always used too.

_# Never mind I'll find someone like you,_

_I wish nothing but the best,_

_For you two,_

_Don't forget me,_

_I beg,_

_I remember you said,_

_Sometimes it lasts in love,_

_But sometimes it hurts instead._

Through her tears, Brittany ran the words over her head again. She took in every word that was used.

'I heard that you settled down, that you found a girl and your married now' Brittany sang these words over and over again to herself.

It didn't make sense, none of it made any sense. If she was singing this song to her, like she thought she was, then how could she possibly know that she was getting married? They hadn't spoken to each other in seven years.

The only possible way that she could know was if someone told her. But they hadn't told anyone yet. Well, apart from when she accidentally let it slip to Mercedes and Tina the other day. She had to tell them, she simply couldn't hold it in any longer. And, well everyone knew that the two are the biggest gossipers in all of Lima, which could only mean one thing.

They told Mike and Sam (clearly, as they were their respected partners), who would've told Artie, who would've told Finn, the only other person he keeps in contact with, who blatantly would've told Kurt, who would've obviously told Blaine, and who would've told Rachel, who then would've told Quinn, who would've told Puck, who would've told the only person who he is now currently body-guarding for – because she wouldn't trust anyone else – and there's nothing that Puck could not keep from Santana. So all of that could only mean one thing.

She knows…

* * *

**Dun, Dun, Dunnn! What will happen know that she knows hey, is this where everything begins to get interesting? Who knows, only one way to find out, review and tell me your thoughts and another chap will be coming soon :D enjoy the rest of your day - Y.A.M.L **


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer: **I have not now, nor will i ever own glee or its characters (unfortunatley) but that deosn't mean that i can't use them for stories, right? :) _

_**A/N:** I didn't mention this earlier, but last chapter i was supposed to say that i know the song 'someone like you' isn't actually sung by Santana or made by her, it is Adele's song and will always be, so just in case i felt like i needed to point that out, and also i only used that song because i can't write songs of my own so i just had to pretend that she had written it too. _

_Anyways now that thats cleared up, on with the story..._

* * *

**Chapter Four**

_The Day Before_

_22nd March 2012_

"SANTANA!"

"SANTANA, OVER HERE!"

I just stepped out of the privacy of my black limousine and already I begin to get bombarded with paparazzi's and their stupid cameras.

I carried on walking straight ahead, like I didn't hear a thing. As if I'd ever go to them, nosy idiots need to learn to come to me if they ever want anything. But then again I guess that is what they do, just like they are now. And if I'm being totally honest, it's starting to get on my freakin' nerves.

"SANTANA!"

"SANTANA, IS IT TRUE THAT YOU'RE WORKING WITH ADELE IN YOUR NEW ALBUM?"

Now for that person I would've gave a proper answer to if my, trying to be masculine, mohawked idiot of a body-guard didn't grab my arm and help me get the hell away from their nosy microphones.

I'd never thought I'd ever live to say this, but sometimes I am so grateful to have Puck as my guard. I mean Brad was alright and everything, but I really couldn't work with him anymore after that one drunken, pointless night I had some months back. Long story short, I didn't remember a thing the next day (or still do for that matter) but I knew he had to go as soon as I woke up to find his naked butt next to me, but thankfully there was some hot chick on the other side too so I didn't have to worry that much. One things for sure, I am _never_ partying with Rihanna again – she is some messed-up chick.

But I guess it was a good thing as it lead me to bump into the one and only Noah Puckerman a week after, and seeing as he looked like he'd actually grown a pair, and some real abs too, I was more than happy to offer him a job. To which he was more than happy to take – literally – being the douche that he is, he thought he'd try to follow my lead and head to New York too, but the idiot did it without having any contacts or money for that matter, so the guy was pretty much broke. I would've cried at the story if I didn't seem to find the whole thing utterly hilarious. The guy really is an idiot, but he comes in useful, like in situations like this he knows exactly when to get me away or when I actually want to stay. He figured all this out the hard way.

After a while my head starts to get dizzy from the photos being shot every second. Everywhere I look there's either a camera there or some huge, fuzzy microphone that's trying to be pushed into my mouth. I mean its like seriously, do you want me to speak or eat the thing, because right now I really wouldn't mind doing the latter considering I didn't even have time to eat this morning.

I only just managed to get comfortable on my bed before my Mamí thought it the perfect time to wake me up and tell me that I had some meeting to attend at the Studio. And apparently it just couldn't wait a few more hours. So I had to get up, get washed, get dressed and then head out to my already waiting smooth, slick limousine before passing out on the ride there.

So that's the reason why my hair is the fizz-ball state that it is now, and why I found myself wearing my new 'Chanel' sunglasses I bought – just cause I could – and making my way into the SJF building looking like a freaking zombie. I could already tell what would be written on the headlines tomorrow, and I doubt any of it would be true.

I enter the gleaming white building, with its dirt-free metal doors with wall length windows covering the first floor. And for some strange reason the place always gives me the creeps as it reminds me of my school councillor I had, Miss Pillsbury, she was always freakishly clean and pure. I found it irritating to be around her. But now I can't help but wonder what she's doing, and if she ever did end up with Mr. Schue (my glee club teacher), Quinn told me the last time I called her but I can't help it if I find myself never listening to a word she has to say sometimes. Old habits just never seem to go away, I guess.

I enter with a complete, fake smile to the doorman – whose name always seems to slip my mind – and smile even more when he actually believes it. Like I'm actually this happy to be awake in the morning looking like I just spent a whole weekend partying, which I haven't done in a while actually, considering I'm now just starting to get my act together and finally moving on. Something I never thought I'd be able to do…

And it's from that moment on that my world changes completely. From that moment on everything I ever thought about earlier goes flying out the window, my relationship with Puckerman going out with it. As from that moment on I begin to go back to square one, and that's where everything begins…

I enter the perfectly cleaned lobby, and just as I'm about to press the button for the fifth floor a massive hand grabs hold of my arm and yanks me back. My body swivels around and the next thing I know I'm face-to-face with Puckerman, something I definitely didn't see ever happening again. Especially since I came out and all, so my interest in women isn't really a surprise to the world anymore (which I'm very grateful for as it makes my life so much easier, and it turns out that there wasn't even anything for me to be scared of really) but this certainly was.

My face instantly scrunches up in confusion when all I seem to get is a dumb-founded look on his face. Puck's eyes keep switching from mine to the ground, with his mouth opening and closing at the same time, like he wants to say something but a part of him won't let it out.

After a few more seconds of this I begin to get irritated and start to try to free myself from his death grip on my arm, but if I didn't realise how strong he was before I certainly realise it then as I don't even stand a chance against his hold on me. So I do the next best thing and I punch him on the arm, not holding back either. This gets his attention as he immediately brings his free hand to rub away the pain in his arm. I just smirk at my strength, before saying:

"What the hell Puck, you going to tell me what's up or not because I do have a meeting to get too ya'know?" in my best pissed-off voice I can muster considering my brain still doesn't seem to be fully alert yet.

Puck just nods his head in reply.

"Erm, right… yeah… I-I'm not trying to hold you back or anything I swear" he tells me innocently, and apart of me starts to feel sorry for trying to pick a fight with him. Especially when he goes all pouty-looking like he does then.

"Well, what's wrong, because I really am busy?" I ask again, but less snappily this time.

Puck notices this and decides to finally tell me as he begins to open his mouth, but then he closes again. And it's at this point that I'm just about to turn away when he calls out.

"You're in a good mood, right?" he asks rhetorically, but I answer him by turning to face him and finally lifting my sunglasses up and placing them atop my head.

"Do I look like I'm in a good mood, this" I say, pointing to the smile that shows up on my face "is me just trying to get through today, because honestly I feel like crap right now and I really can't wait until I get back home" I ramble on, my fake happy demeanour changing instantly to show my real mood.

Puck grimaces when he sees the change, and his grip on me instantly loosens, like as if I'd punch him if he held on too tightly – oh wait I already did that. I smile at my own lame joke, making Puck look at me with confusion, before he makes up his mind.

"Look I don't exactly want to tell you this right now because I know that you really aren't in the best of moods, but I have to tell you. It's been eating me up inside already and I've only known since yesterday, but I really can't keep it from you any longer." Puck tells me honestly, his big brown eyes looking straight into mine, making me realise just how serious this actually is.

"Tell me Puckerman, your scaring me" I say when he doesn't start to carry on straight away.

Fear and worry evident on my face, it's because of this that Puck decides to look left and right quickly, checking that we're the only ones around, and once he's confident that we are, he nods his head in agreement.

"I… Brittany's engaged, she's getting married…"

And just like that, the world I thought I knew comes tumbling down. The earth literally stops spinning, Puck's voice disappearing in the background, his movements freezing. I gasp in surprise, like the wind just got knocked out of me, three times with an added kick to go along with it.

My whole world begins to stop, just like my heart.

And the next thing I know, I'm being brought back to that dreadful day, those awful seven years ago.

* * *

_23rd July 2005_

_ After blonde hair, flying around in the wind, faded away into the distance all that could be heard was the sound of a choked sob. All that could be seen was a heart broken into pieces, spread around its owner. Her body not moving, not even for a breath, it's just lying on the green grass, motionless. The eyes closed tight, mouth shut, hands turned into a fist by its side, an empty body just lying there, broken. _

_ Suddenly a loud gasp can be heard, her eyes shooting open, her mouth wide, and her breath coming back to her. The sound of her loud breathing echoes throughout the empty park, the sun beating down on the empty body. It's never moving, never stirring; her chest is the only source of its survival as it moves up and down in slow breaths. This was the moment Santana Lopez died. And for a split second, she really thought she was. _

_ She couldn't handle it; it was already hurting her too much. But she had too, this she knew for a fact. She could easily let herself wither away right now, but she couldn't. For her, she couldn't. Even if she may never see her again, at least if she were alive she'd stand more of a chance, but right at this very second, she couldn't care less whether she lived or not. She had broken the heart of the only person in the world that she loved the most, and she had broken her own too. It was all her fault. She couldn't move. _

_ She couldn't breathe. _

_ The only thing she could do was gasp every now and then. _

_ She couldn't feel anything. _

_Instead she just closed her eyes, took deep breathes, and let the tears overflow. And before Santana knew it, she had cried herself to sleep. _

_ Santana awoke to the sound of a gasp and hurried footsteps getting closer, when she listened carefully, she could hear four of them. Yet neither of them sounded like the footsteps she wanted to hear, none of them were _hers_. _

_ Suddenly Santana could feel a warm hand on her shoulder. It's the gentlest of touches, but she can feel them shaking a bit, as if they're afraid of disturbing her. She wanted to laugh at this; of course they should be afraid. No one touches Santana Lopez and lives to tell the tale. Well, except for _her_ that is. And that thought is what makes her unable to laugh, the memories coming back to her. And before she knows it the tears come flooding out all over again. She's surprised she still has any left. _

_ "Huh, oh you poor dear" she heard a calm, gentle voice saying next to her. The voice sounds old, but caring, the words' being something a sweet grandma would say when they're grandchild is hurt. This makes her cry even more, because it's not even her own grandma. _

_ "Oh sweetie, it's so late out, your parents must be worried sick. Come on, lets get you home" she whispers tenderly to her. _

_But Santana can't even reply, she doesn't want to seem rude though, the lady sounds too sweet for that. So she simply nods her head. _

_ She can feel the woman's hands grab hold of her arms gently, before slowly helping her up off the grass, which Santana forgot she was still lying on. The woman cooed with every whimper that would come out of her. Santana was trying to hold in her tears, now that she could make out the ladies face, but her eyes were saying otherwise. _

_ The lady looked exactly how she sounded, white hair, with tender blue eyes hiding behind the glasses on the bridge of her nose. When Santana really looked at her, she could see that she was a pretty lady; she knew she must have been quite a looker when she was younger. The old woman was perfect, and right then Santana couldn't handle it. She was reminding her too much of the one she had left behind. The perfect woman she had just watched walk out of her life. She burst into tears all over again, so much so that she wasn't even surprised when the lady pulled her into her, letting Santana cry on her shoulders. _

_ After what felt like hours of crying, and being rocked to and fro by an old lady that she didn't even know, Santana's tears started to calm down. It was at this moment that the lady started to get her to stand up, whispering sweet reassurances into her ear the whole time. Santana was grateful for that, because she really didn't think she could move right then, she was surprised she had even managed to sit up. _

_ When she was properly on her feet and standing the woman stepped back, her hands never leaving her arms. She could see the lady crouch down a bit to look her in the eyes. When she did she held her there, never losing eye contact. _

_ "Your ok now dear, alright?" she asked her softly. _

_Her eyes expressing how much she wanted to make her feel better, the twinkle in them starting to fade a bit with each sniff she would take. Santana's lips wobbled with the intensity of it all, she had never felt so cared for in her life, and she didn't even know the woman. When she realised that she was waiting for her to reply, like she was afraid she might be scaring her, Santana quickly nodded her head. Her voice still not coming out. _

_ "We're gonna take you home, ok?" she asked again._

_ If this were anyone else, or any other time, Santana would have told them all to 'leave her the hell alone' along time ago. But she wasn't that Santana right now. She was too broken to even think, and if she was being honest, she loved the fact that the lady cared so much, that she was even asking. So Santana would reply it was the least she could do. She nodded her head again. The lady giving her a small smile in return, her warm eyes still never leaving hers. _

_ That was until she turned to the man standing behind them. If she never did that Santana would have never even noticed the man behind them, he looked the same age as her, with the same colour of white on his head. He looked just as friendly as she did, and Santana could tell straight away that this was her husband. She would have smiled, if she could, at how sweet they must be as a couple, and even though Santana had only met the woman now, she was happy to know that she managed to marry someone she clearly deserved. This was all Santana could ever ask for, for the girl she loved the most. She wanted her to be just as happy as this lady clearly was, because she deserved all the happiness in the world. And so much more. _

_ With that in mind, Santana knew that she was doing the right thing. For apart of Santana knew that Brittany could never be that happy with her. So she took a deep breath before finally finding her voice. _

_ "I think I'd like to go home now" she told the lady who had now turned back to face her again. _

_Santana hated how broken her voice sounded, but the woman didn't seem to notice as all she did was nod in understanding. She turned to her husband again before saying:_

_ "Jim, can you get her things please and put them in the car, thank you dear" she said as she watched Jim slowly grab her blankets and basket. She had completely forgotten about all of that too, the memory of whom she had entered this park with completely leaving her mind, as all it was filled with was their parting. _

_ The lady kindly lead Santana to their small, grey car. Each step she took seeming to last a lifetime, and by the time they arrived at the car Santana was more than thankful, she was beginning to wonder if they'd ever get there. _

_ The whole car journey was quiet, but not awkward. They all simply sat in a comfortable silence. Santana was grateful for this too, she couldn't bear to have her heart broken and have to sit through awkwardness all in the same day. _

_ When they started to get nearer to her street, Santana gave them small directions on which way to go and where to park as they eventually arrived at her house. Santana was about to jump out and say her thanks until she was stopped by the lady, and told not to move. She would have been freaked out but she knew the lady wasn't trying to scare her, plus she had said that in the nicest way possible. _

_ The two elders stepped out, and Jim made his way to her side of the door, before opening it for her. Santana slide out, and smiled at the man as she did so. He just gave her a friendly smile back. She immediately walked to the woman's side, she was already beginning to miss the comfort of being next to her, and she couldn't help but grin slightly when the woman placed a gentle arm around her. Letting her know that she could cry into her shoulder again if need be. _

_ The walk to her – slightly bigger than what she makes out – house was quiet as well, but this was only because a part of Santana didn't want to leave the couple. It may seem ridiculous, but she was beginning to enjoy their company, they made her feel safe, less vulnerable. _

_ Jim knocked on the door, even though they had a bell, and all three waited patiently for it to open. It wasn't a long wait, for as soon as he knocked the big brown door swung open revealing Santana's Mamí, her face pale and eyes, almost, bloodshot._

_ "Mija, where have you been, you had me worried…" Her Mami's voice started to slowly fade away, when she finally noticed who else was with her. Her Mamí just tilted her head in confusion. _

_ "Hello, we found your daughter at the park. It being so late and all, we couldn't leave her by herself and she was happy for us to give her a ride home, we hope you don't mind" Santana heard the woman say next to her. _

_Santana would have been looking anywhere but at her mother if it had been any other time, but now, she couldn't keep her eyes off of her. She had never seen her Mamí look so worried before, she actually looked like she had been crying because of her absence, and this surprised the Latina the most. _

_ Her Mamí simply nodded her head, before ushering Santana inside. Seeing this as her only chance, instead of going straight to her room, she rushed to her mothers opened arms and let her tears fall again as she cried into her shoulders. _

_ "Thank you for returning her home safely, I am truly grateful" she heard her Mamí say to the couple still at the door. _

_ "That's ok, we just wanted to make sure she was fine" they replied back. Santana heard them talk some more before they pleasantly said goodbye and returned back to their car. She would have thanked them too, or asked them to stay a bit longer, but Santana was in the safety of her mother's arms, something she hardly ever experienced, so she wasn't going to let any second of it go to waste. _

_ As soon as the door was closed Santana burst into tears, she couldn't hold them in any longer. _

_ "I don't want to go, Mamí. I don't want to leave her" she whimpered out, the tears getting the better of her. _

_She felt her Mamí wrap her arms around her and hug her tightly, before giving her a soft and tender kiss on the top of her head. _

_ "I know, Mija, I know" she whispered into her ear. _

_And when she looked at her mothers face, she knew that she meant it. She never saw her Mamí cry before, or even look upset, but seeing her now, she could see just how much her mother was trying not to cry. She knew that her Mamí was hurting too, seeing her upset made her Mamí upset. And this just made her cry even more. _

* * *

Santana gasped, her breathe finally coming back to her. She blinked away the tears trying to come out of her eyes. It couldn't be true; she couldn't let it be true.

Why would Puck tell her something like this if it wasn't true? Why did he have to tell her at all?

"Your lying, that can't be true…it just can't be" Santana said, her voice going higher than necessary, as her tears threatened to fall.

She could see the hurt coming out of Puck; she knew that he didn't mean to make her upset, especially now when she had so much to do. But he did, she was upset, even more than he could possibly imagine her to be.

All it took was for him to nod, his face saying it all. She really was getting married. And just like that Santana's heart smashed, its pieces being left to lie on the ground as her tears came pouring out.

_'You won't ever loose me San'_ Brittany's soft voice filled Santana's head. The words flying around, repeating itself over and over again. And each time it did her heart broke just that little bit more. Santana felt two familiar pairs of arms wrap around her waist, instantly, as her body began to crumble. Puck held onto her tightly, never once letting go.

_ 'You won't ever loose me San' _well now it seemed like she had. Santana had lost her for good.

* * *

_**A/N:** Sorry for the late update, but i hope this made up for it :)) _

_**Please Read: **Before you all move on to your next stories, i just needed to say if there is any songwriters that are reading this story out there anywhere, then please read on. _

_As i said before, i'm not one for songwriting, but because of Santana's job, being a singer and all, i feel like i'm gonna need to have a few songs for her, originals one at least not from other celebs like i've been doing recently hehe and because of this i was just wondering if anyone would be willing to writie a song. _

_Any song is fine, one that you think goes with the storyline, how you feel Sanatana's been feeling over the past seven years, maybe about Brittany would be even better. _

_This is only if you want to, please don't feel obligated to do so, i just think it would help me out so much and make the story even better too. If they are fitting enough for this story then i will gladly put them in the story, and who knows you might just be able to read your very own song in a fic :)) _

_So please take this oppurtunity and help out a fellow fanfictioner, it would make me so very happy - you might get some spoilers too, if you want that is hehe :D_

_So whenever your ready too send the song over to me, by PM or review even, any way you can. Thank you all for even reading this, and the story too :DD_

_Until next time - **Y.A.M.L**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: **I have not now, nor will i ever own glee or its characters (unfortunatley) but that deosn't mean that i can't use them for stories, right? :) _

* * *

**Chapter Five**

_Two Days Before_

_23rd March 2012_

The only good thing that came out of Santana knowing the truth was the fact that it made her gain inspiration. Apparently the best inspiration she could have ever gotten too, for as soon as she was introduced to the well known singer-songwriter Adele she knew she had to let every emotion she was feeling out, in the only way she knew how.

Through song.

This was something being in Glee Club had taught her, all those years ago, with the good old' Mr Schuester.

Oh how Santana missed that man, though she couldn't bear to look at his ever optimistic face half the time she really did miss his words of wisdom. A part of her wanted to call him and let him know everything that was going on with her right now, just because she knew he would know what to do. And that's all she needed right now, for someone to shed some light and tell her exactly what she had to do, because if she were to be honest, she hadn't the slightest clue. But she did know one thing though; she wasn't going to cry about it anymore.

She had done enough of that yesterday, when she first found out. And practically all of last night too, she still couldn't get over the fact that she had broken down on the phone to Quinn - of all people. She hadn't seen that shorter blonde in so long. Too long. She hadn't seen any of them for so long.

Santana was lucky enough to manage to get out of the meeting, and that was only because Puck literally forced her to go home and made it his responsibility to make sure nobody went to see her for the rest of the day. At the time she hated it, she thought that he was putting her on lock-down and she hated the fact that he seemed to think he knew what to do. But now that she thought about it she was more than thankful for what he did, because she knew that she needed that.

She needed to let it all out, which she did – her smashed plates and tear-stained pillows in her apartment were proof of that. She definitely needed that day of tears (as Puck has now officially dubbed it) if only to get it all out of her system so she could do just this, what she was doing now. Writing the perfect song, with the best songwriter in show business, and letting out every emotion within her in this one song.

And the song was apparently going to be a hit, which was even more of a bonus in her eyes. Santana's record company loved it, Adele loved it, her managers loved it, everyone was in awe of the heartbreakingly perfect song the two singers had managed to achieve together. Both of whom witnessed heartache and pain, maybe not the exact same way, but they both felt it all the same, and that feeling was proved in that one song. Now all Santana had to do was wait for SJF to make it official, and let the rest of the world feel their pain too. All she had to do was let_ her_ hear how she really felt, about everything, and then Santana would just wait and see what would happen from there.

* * *

_ Her eyes widen, her eyebrows lift up, her mocha lips hanging open in shock. She's in her bedroom again, lying on her bed, like she was when she fell asleep. Her dark brown eyes hanging on the verge of tears, again. But it's not until she starts to smell that strangely familiar smell of Jasmine and Honey that she starts to realise something is wrong. _

_ Now that she's wide awake she starts to look around. She notices familiar black wallpaper, she notices the picture that hangs on the wall where her bed is, and she notices her beloved dressing table in the corner of her room. She _is_ in her room, but not the one that she thought at first. She's not in her swanky, modern day apartment bedroom, like she was when she fell asleep. She's in the room that she hasn't slept in, in what feels like a lifetime ago. Santana can't even remember the last time she fell asleep in it. She's in her old bedroom. The one in __Lima__, __Ohio__. The one place she's always dreamt of being in, but hasn't been there for a little over three months now._

_ So why she is she here now? _

_ That's the first question running through her mind. She takes a long sniff of the air; taking in the one smell she's missed the most. It's the smell of her home and Brittany. _

_ Oh Brittany. _

_How she longs to be with her again. It's been three months too long and honestly Santana doesn't know how she's survived. That's if she is still alive, because she still doesn't know how she got here. _

_ And then she hears it. It's quiet at first, but once she's noticed it the music starts to become louder. It's a sweet tune of a song that she hasn't heard of in a long while. So why is she hearing it now? _

_ And that's when she sees it. When she sees them. She would recognise that mohawked head and those sly green eyes any day. It's her friends Puck and Quinn. But why are they here. In her bedroom. In __Ohio__. _

_ Now Santana starts to freak out, this is all just too weird, she's pretty sure she would remember coming back to Ohio and having her friends stay round in her room. But she doesn't remember that at all. Not any of it. She hears laughter. Familiar laughter, they sound like the laughs of Mercedes and Tina from her Glee Club. _

_Why would they be in her room? _

_She may speak to Mercedes every now and then but she can't remember the last time she had a real conversation with Tina. Maybe she needs to give her famous scowl and the girl will leave. Some people don't take a hint until you give it to them. And that's exactly what she's about to do, until she notices the rest of them. _

_Everyone else from her glee club. Rachel, Finn, Kurt, Lauren, Artie – Now she knows something is definitely wrong because dreaming of Rachel is something she can kind-of handle, but Artie, something is really wrong here. _

_ She sees Finn playing on the huge set of drums that just happen to be in her room, Puck and Quinn standing beside each other, with microphones in hand – like their getting ready to sing. But why would they be singing, especially now, at this time in the morning. If it is the morning? Everyone else begins to sway in the background, it's almost like they had this prepared. How come she didn't know about this, is it some kind of surprise? Because they all know that she hates surprises, most of them had to find that out the hard way. _

_ And then Quinn starts to sing._

_ # _lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you

_She still doesn't know what's going on, why their singing this song. But then as she continues to look on at their random performance, she begins to notice something. Something that she starts to wonder how she couldn't have noticed from the very beginning. _She _isn't there. Brittany isn't here, in my room, in Ohio. _

Caught up in circles confusion is nothing new

_So then where is she? _

_Santana doesn't know, she hasn't the slightest clue. She wants to ask Puck or Quinn, or any of the others, but their all just standing there watching her with smiles on their faces. _

_Why are they smiling? _

_ They shouldn't be smiling when Brittany isn't there. _

_Where the hell is Brittany?_

_ That's when Puck starts to join in too. _

Flashbacks, warm nights, almost left behind

_She wants to see those eyes, and that soft golden hair, those cute little freckles that shine in the summer and hide in winter. She wants to see her and hug her, and tell her that she misses her. Tell her how no nights are warm when she's not lying there next to her. She just wants to see her. _

A suitcase of memories

Time after

_ And she does see her, she's everywhere. She's the only thing she can see now, as she is no longer in her room in Ohio being watched by her fellow Glee Clubbers. Instead she has fallen straight through a suitcase, and she's falling, and falling. And everywhere she looks she can see her. Her __Brittany__. _

_ She sees them when they were six and first see each other, she walks to her and she offers her hand to Brittany – whom had just been pushed over by Puckerman. She remembered how angry she was at the boy when she saw him do that. She couldn't help but punch him on the arm and help the girl up. But now that she sees it again, she's so glad that she had, because that was the moment she got her best friend for life. That was the moment she got her Brittany. _

Sometimes you picture me; I'm walking too far ahead

_Santana begins to wonder if these memories will ever end. It's like she is watching her whole life flash before her eyes. And she never knew until now just how much Brittany has been there. She's there in every memory, every second of her life. She didn't think she could ever miss her as much as she begins to miss her now. She wants to see her, in person. _

_And so she does. _

_ She isn't falling anymore. When she thinks about it she hasn't been falling for a while now, she just never realised. She's in a park, and the sun is out, which is strange because the last thing she knew it was the morning and it was supposed to be winter. But then again she has no idea what's going on anymore. She starts to walk ahead, through the wide open field and to the park, with the slide and the swings, in the middle of it all. _

You're calling to me; I can't hear what you've said

_And then she hears something, something very familiar. Something she hasn't heard in a very, very long time. But once she hears it, she wants to hear it again, and again and again. She just can't get enough of it. She knows who it is; she could recognise that sweet angelic voice anyway. But she's too far away for her to know what she's saying._

_What is she saying? _

Then you say go slow, I fall behind

The second hand unwinds

_ She sees her. She is there, standing right in front of her. Santana doesn't even know how she got there that fast but at that moment she doesn't care because she sees her. She is right there, touching distance. And she's smiling, that perfect smile she only has when she sees Santana. The one that lets Santana know just how much she needs her too. And Santana needs her. _

_ So much. _

_ Too much. _

_She wants to tell her this whilst giving her the biggest hug ever. But then Brittany is showing her her watch. She's pointing at the time and Santana begins to hear what she was saying to her before. _

_ "We're running late, come on San" and the next thing she knows she's ahead of her, sprinting off in the distance. _

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

_She'd lost her, where did she go? Where was she? _

_How could she have lost her already, she had only just seen her again. She didn't even get to say 'hello'. _

_ "Brittany, Brittany where are you?" she starts to call out, maybe she just went over here. _

_Santana starts to head to the park again, she might be by the slide. _

_ "Come on San" she can hear her again. She's giggling, oh how she has missed that giggle. It was so cute and bouncy, just like her. She turns around and there she is again, right in front of her. _

_ "Follow me" she half whispers in her ear. Her breathe hitting her skin making Santana's breathe hitch. She wants to feel it again, she needs to, but then Brittany is running again. She starts to run after her, giggling too. _

If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting

Time after time

_ "Brittany, Brittany where are we going?" she asks through her laughter. She loves playing chase with her; they always played this when they were children. But then Brittany's gone again and suddenly it's not so fun anymore. _

_ "Brittany" she calls out. No answer._

_ "Brittany, you've gone again, where are you?" She asks, trying to keep her tears at bay. _

_Why does she keep leaving her? And where does she go? _

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

_ "BOO!" _

_ Santana screams. She turns around so fast her head starts to spin. She hates when people do that. But then she sees Brittany's shining blue eyes, twinkling in the sun, and her huge smiling face, making her eyes crinkle and Santana knows that she could never hate her. _

If you fall, I will catch you

(I'll be waiting)

I will be waiting

Time after time

_ "I'm here San, I'm always here" Brittany tells her reassuringly. _

_Santana nods, its all she can do now that she can feel a lump forming in her throat. Oh how this girl makes her swoon. _

_ And then she feels it. Her warm embrace, as she gets wrapped up in her hug, its almost like Brittany is her blanket, and Santana is snuggling up into her, nice and warm. _

_ "I'll always catch you when you fall" Brittany whispers quietly. But Santana can hear her. She can hear every word. _

After my picture fades and darkness has turned to grey

_Brittany lets go. She doesn't want her too, but when she sees her smiling still she knows its ok. Everything is ok as long as Brittany is there next to her. She starts to giggle again and then grabs her hand and they start to jog towards where Brittany was going before. Santana looks up and notices that the sky isn't as clear as it used to be. _

_Why is it turning grey? _

_ Oh no, it's going to rain. But Brittany doesn't know yet. Maybe I should tell her. But I can't. I can't say anything when she keeps looking back and smiling at me like that. So she doesn't say anything at all. _

You're watching through windows, you're wondering if I'm ok

_"Are you ok San?" she hears Brittany ask. Her face scrunching up, now that she has noticed Santana's confused face. _

_ "Yeah, I'm all good" she says, smiling back as she does so. The last thing she wants to do is worry the girl. She wants to know where Brittany is taking her. And once Brittany starts to smile back again she knows that she's in the all clear. _

Secrets stolen, from deep inside

The drum beats out of time

_ "Where are we going Britt?" Santana chances asking again. She really does hate surprises. _

_But Brittany just shushes her and tells her to follow her and wait and see. So that's exactly what she does. _

_ But when Brittany lets go of her hand she knows that she can't wait any longer. She wants to know already._

_And how big is this park? _

_ The field seems to be going on for miles. Brittany keeps running away. _

_How did she get so fast?_

_ Santana loses track of her again. _

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

_ "Brittany, Brittany please, tell me where you are?" Santana pleads. "I keep losing you" _

_ Then she hears her giggle again, into her ear and she says quietly "You'll never loose me San." Goosebumps run up her arms at the intensity of the words and the way she said it. As if she truly means it. _

_ "Then stop leaving me" she tells her, her voice coming out croaky. But Brittany doesn't seem to notice it, she just laughs instead. _

_ "I'll never leave you San, you just have to follow me" she says happily, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. _

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting

Time after time

_ She starts to run, and Santana keeps up beside her. She doesn't want to let her out of her sight again. They start to head to the park with the swings and slides. Santana smiles, she remembers pushing Brittany on those swings, almost everyday, when they had their holidays and there was nothing better to do. They always said that it was _Their_ swing and nobody else's. Santana wants to go there again, with her. But Brittany has other plans as she starts to run past the park with the swings and the slide, and towards the forest at the end of the park. The one that they never went in, the one that they always deemed the 'scary forest', with its tall trees squished together, leaving no light to come in making it seem dark and dingy._

_Santana didn't want to go there. Not with her or anyone for that matter. _

You say go slow, I fall behind

The second hand unwinds

_ Santana starts to shake her head. There's no way she's going in there. _

_ "We are not going in there B" Santana says sternly. _

_This is something she wants to put her foot down and just say 'No.' But then its Brittany, and she can never say 'no' to Brittany. She starts to pout, and Santana already knows that she's lost. _

_ "We'll go slowly, if you want, we don't have to go in there straight away" Brittany says, looking her straight in the eyes. _

_ Santana knows that's her way of saying 'just go in there with me, we'll only be in and then out.' Santana starts to think about this but knows that Brittany has won when she says "Don't you trust me." _

_ So she steps up and takes her lead. Brittany jumps up and down with glee, her smile brightening the sky, which Santana notices is still grey and cloudy. This isn't a good idea, but she does it anyway, if only to see Brittany that happy again. _

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting

Time after time

_ As soon as she's inside she knows that they should leave. It's dark. Almost too dark, it's like it's the night time in here. Santana doesn't like it. She looks around but she can't see much. Just branches and leaves, a few birds flying around here and there, but nothing much to look at. And then it gets quiet. Almost too quiet. _

_Where's Brittany? Why isn't she next to her? She's lost track of her again, why does she keep doing that? _

_ Santana starts to look around, but she can't see anything. She can't see her bright blonde hair, or those dazzling blue eyes. She can't find her in here at all. She starts to run around but the forest is just as big as the field. It seems to be going on forever. _

_Why isn't it ending? _

_ "Brittany!" she shouts out. No answer._

_ "Brittany, this isn't funny, where are you?" She shouts out again, but still nothing. _

_ She doesn't want to cry but she feels like she can't do anything else. She's lost and she doesn't know where her best friend is. She has no idea where she is. She just wants her Brittany. _

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

_ "I'm here San, you know I'm always here" she can hear Brittany's voice, but she still can't see her. _

_ "But I can't see you!" she shouts out into the dark air. _

_ "Of course you can't San. That's the whole point. Stop being a silly-duck" she hears Brittany giggle out. Why is this funny to her, this isn't funny at all. She knew she should have never have come in here. _

If you fall, I will catch you

(I'll be waiting)

I will be waiting

Time after time

_ "Why can't I see you?" she asks her, looking around at every direction, still not sure of where she is. _

Time after time

_ "Because you left me San, you left me for your dream. I wasn't enough for you" Brittany says. She isn't laughing anymore. Her voice is serious, and hurt. _

Time after time

_ Santana knows that she's hurt. She didn't want to hurt Brittany, that wasn't what she was aiming for at all. She just wanted to be a singer. _

_Why did wanting fame have to lead to all this? _

Time after time

_ "Because you always think of yourself San, you never think of me" Brittany answered her question. She didn't even know she had said that out loud. _

_ "I always think of you, Britt. I do everything for you. I never think of anything else, but you!" Santana screamed back. She didn't know where she was so she just said it to the tree standing in front of her. She didn't care how she looked screaming at a tree; she wanted Brittany to know that she was always on her mind. _

_How could she not be?_

Time after time

_ "Ok Sannie, I trust you" she heard her say, ever so quietly. Santana didn't know if that was true or not. It should be because she trusted Brittany, with her life. "As long as you remember San that I'll always catch you when you fall" Brittany said earnestly._

Time after time

_ Santana started to cry. The words hitting her like a slap in the face. _

_Brittany wasn't here, so how could she catch her?_

Time after time

_ Santana started to fall to the ground, she couldn't take this anymore. She wanted to go back home. To her room in __Ohio__, where all the Glee Clubbers are singing a song. She wants to smell Jasmine and Honey again; she wants to see all their smiling faces, even Artie and Rachel's. She wants to see them all. As long as it gets her out of here. _

Time after

_ She starts to fall. Just like before. But there's no suitcase of memories anymore. There's nothing. It's just her, falling and falling fast. There's no one there, no one is catching her. She doesn't trust her. Not anymore. _

_Brittany isn't catching her when she falls. _

Time after

* * *

_30th October 2005_

_ Santana shoots up in bed, panting, her breathing coming back to her. She starts to look around, whilst placing a hand to her heart. She feels her heartbeat, its beating so fast. Just like her breathing which is short and quick. She uses her other hand to wipe the perspiration on her forehead. _

_ She starts to recognise the things in her room, the noises she can hear from outside. And when she sniffs the air she can smell the familiar smell of Febreeze and her Chanel perfume. There's no homey smell wafting through the air, like her house back in Ohio. There's no black wallpaper on her walls – just pure white – no posters – just a whole wall covered in glass windows. That's where her bed is facing opposite, so that every time she wakes up she can see the lights of buildings that never seem to turn off. She can see the lights that move every which way and she knows that they are from the cars and the cabs. She can hear the noises of slight traffic, and she knows that it must be quite early if everyone is heading to work now. _

_ The sky is still a bit dark out, but she can see the sun starting to rise. She looks at the digital alarm clock on her fancy nightstand and sees that it's five in the morning. That's when she begins to realise where she is. She isn't in Lima anymore. She isn't in her bedroom in Ohio, and there's no one else in her room. No smiling faces to be seen. No golden hair shining in the distance. It was all a dream. _

_'It was just a dream' she tells herself. _

_ Like Brittany doesn't trust her anymore, she will always trust her. That's what she needs to believe anyway. She seems to be having a lot of dreams like that recently. _

_ Of __Brittany__. _

_Of her not loving her or caring about her anymore. But deep down inside Santana knows that she'll always care about her, she has to, they spent every second of everyday together, how could she not? But still, a part of her questioned it anyway. _

_ Her breathing seemed to be going back to normal. She wasn't gasping for air anymore, and her perspiration had dried now, she hated having nightmares. She just hated dreaming at all, it always ended up like this. She knew what she had to do. She did this every time this happened, which was a lot. _

_ Santana lifted her warm blanket off of her, and she started to get up. She gave a little stretch before tiptoeing out of her room. It was still early; she didn't want to wake anyone up. Well not her Papi anyway. She opened and closed her door as quietly as she could, and just as she was about to open her parents' door it swung open itself. And soon she was standing face to face to the one person she had been reassured by every night. _

_ Her Mamí was standing there, no smile on her face, no sparkle in her eyes. She looked tired, like she needed to sleep, like that was all she wanted and needed to do, but she couldn't. And Santana knew why, she hated having to put her mother through all this, but she needed someone. And her Mamí was always there to help her. She never asked, her Mamí never told her that she was going to help, she just did it anyway. And that always made Santana love her just that little bit more. But right now, seeing her mother like this, she couldn't help but hate herself. _

_ "I'm sorry Mamí." That was all that was needed to be said before her mother wrapped her up in her open arms. _

_Santana hugged her back just as tightly. Neither of them let go. _

_ "I dreamt about her again, I always seem to dream about her" she told her Mamí when she was back in her room. Her mother helping her get back in bed again. They did this every night. When she would wake up Santana would find her mother and they would go back to bed and just talk, talk until she went back to sleep again, and then her mother could go back to sleep as well. Even though she hated putting her mother through this she was glad that she was there to help her. She needed this, otherwise she would never get any sleep at night, and her mother always told her that that was the most important thing. _

_ "What was it this time? She didn't love you again, that's a popular one" her mother said, almost sarcastically but Santana wasn't sure anymore. _

_Her Mamí just seemed to be speaking through one tone; it was her tired, bored and slightly worried tone. Like as if she just couldn't be bothered to handle this anymore. Santana didn't know how to feel about that, she needed her mothers help the most, she couldn't lose that. _

_ "No actually, it was her not trusting me" she told her quietly. _

_ "Oh, that ones new" her mother seemed to barely chuckle out. _

_ Santana was just about to say something back to her Mamí, like ask her why she was being like this, but she didn't need to as her mother answered her anyway. _

_ "Look Mija, I know that you are hurting, I know that you miss your best friend dearly." Her mother told her honestly, her accent coming out strong and her eyes locked on to hers, she didn't look away. _

_ "But this is enough!" her Mamí half shouted, she knew she couldn't be too loud, but to Santana she practically screamed it out. _

_The words burned her to the core. Now her mother had had enough of her too. _

_ "It's been over three months now, Mija. You need to let it go. You need to let _her_ go because you can not keep acting like this anymore." Her mother said, truthfully, so truthfully that it hurt the both of them. "I miss her too you know Mija, she was like another daughter to me" her mother brought her hand to her heart when she said that, as if to prove she meant every word. _

_ "But even I have managed to let it go, I had to leave Ohio too. I had friends back there just like you, but I left them all for you" her mother pointed at her, her face saying it all "if I can do that and your father can do that, then why can't you? You need to at least start trying now, Mija, you have a whole other life now. One that is too important for you to just give up and throw away. _

_ "People are already starting to know who you are. You've only just released your first album and you're already becoming a star, that's not a very easy thing to do straight away in this business Mija and you know it. You've managed to achieve that and SJF have helped you with that so much. You need to start helping them too by not acting like this, all mopey and sad. _

_ "I've let you be like this for too long now; if we had to leave for any other reason I would let you heal from this separation on your own, let you fix this by taking your time. You could have a whole year if need be. But we left for you, so that you could get your dream. And now you have it. Do you get that Mija, you have it. You can not let it go. _

_ "Your going to be eighteen soon, and so you will be an adult, free to make up your own decisions and choices, but tell me do you really want to let this all go away? Do you really want to stop this life you are living, the one I know that you love having because I can see it in your eyes? Do you want to leave all this and go back to that small town where nothing much happens, just a bunch of gossip and people dreaming to get out? Do you want that?" she asked Santana. _

_ All she could do was shake her head, because she didn't want that, not any of it. She did like this life she was now living; she was enjoying being a star. It was all she had ever wanted since she was young and now she has it, she really couldn't let it all go. Not for her, not for anyone. Maybe her mother was right, maybe it was time for her to move on, and stop being so upset. It wasn't like anyone had died. It wasn't like _she_ had died. _

_ When she thought of it like that she felt kind of silly really, she was acting as if someone had. It was like she was grieving. But then again maybe she was. Except it wasn't death, it was her past that she was grieving for, the past that she so wanted to still be her future. But Santana knew she couldn't grieve anymore. It had been three months too long. She had to let go of it all and start looking to her new future. The one that she now leads. _

_ "You're a star now Santana, you're my star" her mother said as she leaned in to give her a hug. Santana just nodded her head in reply. She knew that, she knew it now and she was going to start believing in it. _

_ "What are you, Mija?" her mother asked her, chuckling slightly, a true chuckle this time. That was what gave her the courage to answer back. _

_ "I'm a star" _

* * *

_Present Day_

_25th March 2012_

Santana remembered that memory as clear as day. That had been the day that she had realised a lot of things, but the most important of all, it was the day she realised just who she was.

She wasn't Santana Lopez the second in command, head Cheerleader at McKinley High anymore; she was Santana Lopez the superstar. Everyone really had begun to know who she was, and it had only taken her three months to get there. She did plan on giving it all up as soon as she turned the big eighteen, because like her Mamí said she was an adult and could make her own choices. But by the time she was eighteen she had been in the business for seven months and it was just too late to turn back by then. Everyone, in many countries, had begun to know Santana Lopez, Pop Star sensation. Every song of hers was a hit, her first album going straight to gold. And in a year she had already gone platinum.

She really was a superstar. And it was time for her to know it, and start acting like a happy one, instead of being her miserable self. So that's what she did. That was also the night she realised that she could write songs, she had always dabbled in it before (especially after Mr. Schue made them write their own songs for Nationals) she just never managed to write a good one, a real song.

But after her Mamí had assumed she had fallen asleep and gone back to bed, Santana got up and wrote herself her first major song. And that one was a huge success. That was when Santana began to realise that she wasn't living a fairy-tale life anymore, she was living in the real world now. And in the real world there was no time for thinking about the past, she could only live in the present and think about the future. And that's exactly how she had been living her life, for seven years now. And before this month, she wouldn't have had it any other way.

But now that she knew, everything changed. Santana's whole world went upside down; the day Puck told her that. And she had gone back to wallowing in self-pity by crying it all out and blubbering on the phone like a mess, but she couldn't be like that anymore. Her mother's words ringing in her ears when she woke up.

'You're a star, Mija' so she started to act like one by turning her feelings into song, and her song with Adele was now out to the world.

She had finished recording it in record time yesterday and because of that SJF let her release it today. It wouldn't usually be so quick but because she begged and pleaded, her parents and her managers finally said yes. She needed it to be done; it had to be played out on radios today. She needed _her_ to hear it and fast.

If that dream she had all those years ago was correct, and Brittany really did lose trust in her, then Santana knew what she must do. She couldn't live her life knowing that and saying that she did nothing about it. She had to gain her trust back, she had to see if she still cared, and she had to make sure that she really did still love her, because God only knows that Santana still does.

She was just beginning to move on and then Puck had to go and tell her that, now there was no way in hell Santana was going to move on. And there was no way in hell that Santana was going to let Brittany get married either. Not until she was absolutely certain. That Santana could be positively sure. That Brittany didn't love her anymore.

So she made Puck find out more information, he said that he knew all she needed to know but Santana wanted him to be sure. So when Santana finally had a free time to herself the first place she went to was her apartment as she knew that Puckerman would be there waiting for her. Sure enough as soon as she opened her front door he was there, talking on his phone to who she knew was Quinn. After he got off the phone to Quinn Santana went running to his side.

"What'd she say? What's going on? She's not married yet is she?" the questions coming straight out of her. It wasn't her fault though, she was curious and she really needed to know.

"God, Santana, eager beaver much" Puck said sarcastically. Santana just gave him her best scowl in reply. He laughed at that. "Ok, ok, no she's not married, not yet anyway" Santana breathed a huge sigh of relief at that, that was the only question that she really wanted to know, and now that she did she could be happy, for a while. "And Quinn told me that she'll be throwing some parties soon, she plans on getting married in…in" Puck started to stop after a while, remembering who he was talking to, he wasn't so sure if she should really know this. But he could tell by the way her eyebrows were raised and her forehead scrunched up that she wanted him to continue, although her eyes were almost daring him to. So he took the chance and sighed before continuing. "She's getting married in two months..."

"WHAT!" Santana shouted out.

Two months, two freaking months. She had expected it to be a year or something, but not two months. That was just so sudden, so soon.

Puck lifted his hand to his ear at that, but he continued anyway before Santana would break down again. It was bad enough the first time, Puck wasn't so sure if he could handle seeing her like that again.

"Yeah something about her wanting a Spring wedding. Before it-"

"Turns to Summer" Santana finished for him.

"Yeah, what'd you already know that or something?" Puck asked her, curiously.

She wanted to say 'hell yeah I know that, I was her best friend for eleven years' of course she knew that. Brittany wouldn't be Brittany if she didn't have a Springtime wedding. She had wanted it in early May since before she could even remember. She told Santana that almost everyday, almost like she was hinting it to her. The two always used to do things like that, she would hint to Brittany exactly how she imagined her engagement ring to look like, meaning what she imagined the ring she would give her would be like. But when they were fourteen Santana didn't need to imagine anymore because she had found that ring.

She knew exactly what it would look like because she knew exactly what the ring looked like, and where to get it and how much it cost. She knew everything about it, just like Brittany knew everything about their wedding. Her wedding.

She had it all planned out, there was even a time when they put their ideas in a book and Brittany would mix them together, saying that would be exactly how their wedding would look if they were to get married. She even remembers the way Brittany stared at her as she said that, in her small twelve year-old voice. And she remembered how she had looked at Brittany the exact same way, both sharing their love through their eyes.

But now it was all different, now their plans had been ruined. Santana was glad that Brittany was still having her Spring wedding, because she knew that she should have it, she deserves that wedding more than anyone.

Santana wanted more than anything to know what her wedding plans were like now, if she was still planning on having her tablecloths red linen, with black napkins and vases and purple cutlery and plates (their ideas being mixed just the way Brittany wanted it, and just the way Santana wanted it too, even if the colours didn't match at all) or if she was going to have blue roses and white tulips – their favourite flowers put together. Or if she was going to have the ceiling black and starry, so it would be just like they were dancing under a night sky.

But most of all Santana wondered what her engagement ring looked like, the one that she really ended up with, not just one that had been conjured up by imagination.

She wondered if it sparkled when it would hit the sun, she wondered if it twinkled in the night just the way her eyes would. She wondered if it was big, but not heavy so she wouldn't feel like she was carrying a diamond on her finger at all, but big so that if she had to make sure she could easily see that it was there, and that it was real. She wondered all of this and much more.

So no, Santana didn't know, she didn't know anything and that's exactly what she told Puck too. Her eyes downcast the whole time, as if she was ashamed of that fact.

"Well yeah, she's going to have it at the end of May, just before June, she recons" Puck said. Santana snapped out of her ashamed-phase as soon as he said that, her face scrunching in disbelief, her mouth hanging open.

"End of May, End of- ok what? Now hold-up since when has she ever wanted it at the end of May, that's practically Summer in Ohio, that's if she's still in Ohio?" she asked Puck.

"I don't know about that whole end of May-thing but yeah she's still in Ohio. Her and her fiancé have stayed there, she's never left the place. She's had chances too, apparently, like she could have gone to Julliard University for dance, but she never went"

"What do you mean she never went? Brittany loves Julliard. She told me she didn't want to go anywhere else." Santana said in disbelief. She couldn't believe she'd pass up on an opportunity like that. How could her 'precious' fiancé let her? Depending if they were together then.

"Yeah, we were all shocked about that too, but she decided to not go to University at all, and she said she didn't want to pursue dance to become a star or whatever, so she became a teacher instead. She has her own studio now and has been a dance instructor ever since." Puck said, shrugging his shoulders as if it was all common knowledge.

A dance instructor, she couldn't remember Brittany ever saying she wanted to be a dance instructor. She had mentioned that she wouldn't mind teaching children if she had to as she loved kids but nothing about that being her one job for life. Santana didn't know whether to be disappointed or happy that Brittany didn't pursue fame as she of all people knew how that life could be. She could imagine Brittany to be a good teacher, though. The best teacher.

"It's almost like she's never left because she's been waiting." Puck told her, his eyebrow lifting as he looked at her, like he was trying to tell her something but she didn't know what. "Waiting for someone to come back and find her. In the one place that she knows they would always be able to find her, if she stayed there" he finished giving her that look at the same time. Nodding his head slowly as he waited for her to realise.

"What d'you mean-Oh" and Santana started to nod back when she finally took the hint.

Some people don't take a hint until you give it to them_._ Puck clapped his hands shouting 'Finally' when she did so.

"But how the hell am I supposed to 'find her' she could be anywhere in Lima. Yeah it's a small town but still, and I don't know when would be the right time to go anyway, maybe I'll be too late" she said, trying her best to find excuses. Puck knew this too. She could tell when she noticed his smile fading and he began to give her the 'really?' look.

"You just said it, Lima's a small town. We all know that place like the back of our hands. If I haven't forgotten the place I'm sure you haven't either. You'll be able to find her Santana. Of course you will.

"And don't worry about the 'if your going to be too late,' you still have two months remember, maybe longer, Brittany isn't even sure just yet anyway. And besides I know the perfect time for you to make an appearance." Puck told her, his face changing to that cocky-pout of his.

"When would be the best time?" she asked him, when he didn't tell her straight away.

"Next week. Saturday. Two words, engagement – party" Puck said to her, slowly and surely to make sure she really got the words in her head.

Santana gave a slow nod in understanding, her hand rising to her chin as she started to think it over.

Could she really go and see Brittany again. After all these years. Unannounced. Maybe she should at least tell her that she's coming. But then again the idea of surprising her and just showing up was quite tempting in her head. No doubt the girl would be surprised, maybe even mad. Hell she could be furious for all Santana cared, because at least she would be able to see her. And talk to her, and touch her. Maybe not in the ways that they used to, obviously. But even if she just got a slight hug, even if it was uncomfortable that would be enough for her. Really that's all she would have to do.

She just wanted to see her again and see how she was. It could be just like old friends catching up, nothing wrong with that.

Who said that it had to be weird?

Friends could talk. Even if she and Brittany were never 'just friends,' who ever said that they couldn't be now?

It's been seven years; she needs to see her best friend again. She'd give anything too. Even if it meant enduring watching her be all smiley and happy in another persons arms with another persons ring on her left hand finger.

She would just see her again, have a little chat, maybe a hug 'Hello' and a hug 'Goodbye' as she would leave knowing that Brittany would be perfectly happy and fine without her. She would leave and never come back. That would be that. It really wouldn't be that hard to do. So yes, she would do it.

Santana was going to see her again. After seven whole years. They were finally going to reunite, and Santana was actually starting to look forward to it.

* * *

_**A/N:** One of the longest chapters I've written yet, 14 pages, i mean i dont mean to brag but come on i think anyone who writes that much deserves some kind of appluase... No, oh, ok then, *goes to a corner to hide* sorry didnt mean to upset you all that much last chapter hehe :) _

_Anyways, getting off topic, thanks for reviews and favs and alerts, all means a lot to me, and thank you to those who have taken an interest into my songwriting challenge, and to that one guest who has practically given me their song, thank you for that it will defo come in useful in later chapters, and b.t.w yes its definitely good enough, i love it :D _

_Thank you for reading, tell me what you think of this chapter and I'll try to update just as fast. Until next time - **Y.A.M.L**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer: **I have not now, nor will i ever own glee or its characters (unfortunatley) but that deosn't mean that i can't use them for stories, right? :) _

_**A/N:** Here is the next chap, sorry its late - again hehe :) I hope it was worth the wait. _

_**P.S** I recommend listening to the songs that are used in each chap, i feel like it gives the story that little bit of oomph, if you feel like trying it then the song for this chap is Picking Up The Pieces by Paloma Faith - a great song by the way - aaannd, thats all i got so read and enjoy! _

* * *

**Chapter Six**

_The Next Day_

_26th March 2012_

He didn't know what to do, she wasn't answering her phone.

Why wasn't she answering?

He hadn't seen her since she left to go to the store yesterday. She was supposed to come back. She didn't come back.

Where did she go? Who was she with? Was she even with anyone?

Why wouldn't she just answer her damn phone already?

He knew that answer, though, because she was Brittany. His beautiful, precious Brittany and she just never answered her phone. That's who she was, something she just constantly forgot to do and although it could be so very annoying and frustrating at times, James found that he could never hate her for it. It was the simple things about her that he loved the most. Like the fact that she never answered her phone.

But what she did always do was make sure she came home. She would always come back somehow. No matter what happened, even if the two had a big fight she would always find her way back home somehow. And she always made sure that he knew where she was at all times, she never liked to make him worry, she said so herself.

So why was she making him worry now? And where the hell was she?

It was late at night when James suddenly heard the familiar noise of a car engine. He knew that it was her straight away. After hours of sitting and then getting up and pacing in the living-room, of their small two bed-roomed apartment, she was finally home. He quickly walked over to their window, which overlooked their street, and saw a flash of golden-blonde hair. The same blonde hair that he'd woken up to for years now. A small smile graced his tanned, masculine face. He ran both hands through his brown, ruffled hair and sighed a small breathe of relief. She was safe. She was alive. She came back. That was all that mattered. For now.

But when he heard the small pitter-patter of her feet running up the stairs and then flinging the front door open so fast that it hit the wall and bounced back, James realised that something wasn't right. It became more apparent when he saw his fiancé's tear stained face, for just a second, before she lifted her hand to her eyes and wiped away the remaining tears whilst running straight for their bedroom door.

"Brittany!" James called out to her as he watched her run past him.

She didn't answer back. All he got was a small sniffle in reply. "Brittany, babe, what's wrong?" he asked her gently. Still no reply.

And then the next thing he knows she's slamming the door in his face.

Something definitely wasn't right. But what that was he didn't know.

Why didn't she just tell him?

He tried again and knocked on their door, quietly at first, but when she didn't say anything he knocked a bit louder.

"Brittany, please tell me what's wrong? I didn't do anything did I?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

Even though he couldn't see her, he knew that she was shaking her head. That helped clear that part of his mind at least. But he still wanted to know one more thing.

"Why didn't you come back?" he said aloud. He was only supposed to think that but when he heard more sniffling he knew that he didn't regret saying that last part, because he knew that she was regretting not coming back.

"I'm sorry" and that was all she said before James could see the light turn off in their room.

He decided to just leave it, for now, as he knew that he was lucky to even get that out of her right now. So he slowly walked away and headed for the couch. He knew that she would need some time alone so he would respect her wishes and do just that. He'd find out what was bothering her the next day, for now he was just glad that she was back safe and sound and that she wasn't going to leave him again tonight.

James grabbed the blanket that they always leave on the side of the couch – Brittany did love to snuggle during 'The Little Mermaid' – and grabbed the cushion with his free hand before chucking them both on the side of the couch. Their living-room couch wasn't the most comfortable in the world, but after having their fair share of arguments over the years James had learned to live with it. He quickly took his shirt and jeans off, deciding to just sleep in his boxers – seeing as he couldn't go in their room to get his sleeping-pants – and then placed his keys and phone on the coffee table. He sat on the edge of the couch for a while, his hands running up and down his face, as he tried to think of why Brittany might be upset.

Something must have happened to have made her get in that state; it wasn't very often that the girl cried like that. If she ever did start to get emotional it would usually just be small tears that made her lips wobble, nothing like how he had seen her only a moment ago. Her make-up was smudged and all over her face, she's never been that bad before. Well not recently anyway. She hasn't been like that for years. And James thought that was the way it was finally going to stay. Maybe he was wrong after all.

James quickly got up, shaking his head of all thoughts; he just needed to get some rest. He'd find out in the morning. Brittany was bound to tell him about it then. They both just needed to sleep it all off. James nodded to himself at that thought and decided to pick up his phone and turn the radio on. That always helped him get some dreamless sleep.

He turned a few channels, making sure the volume was low, before finally finding the right one for him and then placing the phone back where he put it. He sat back down again and was just about to lie down and sleep when something caught his eye. It was a small flash. He didn't concentrate on it at first, thinking that it was just his mind playing tricks on him, but then he saw it again. In the corner of his eye. And when he properly looked he could see that it was something small and brown.

He couldn't figure out how it got his attention at first, but then he noticed that it had a shiny metal on it too. James became very curious. He had never noticed that before. It was hiding right behind their small television. He decided to see what it was, his curiosity getting the better of him.

He got up from the couch and walked over to it slowly. His eyes never leaving the shining metal. Once he reached it, he bent down and reached behind the TV to pick it up. When he had a firm grip of it he quickly stood up straight with the object in hand. He raised his right hand and found plain brown wood, so he turned the square object round and found the last thing he was expecting to see. When he did he couldn't help the gasp that came out of his mouth and suddenly everything came back to him.

All the nights of tears and trauma, trips down memory lane. The many nights of talking about the past and the present. All the times that he had to hug and whisper sweet reassurances to a broken body. All those nights of trying to hold in tears as a broken face became tear-stained, mascara smudging right in front of him. He had never seen her cry that much before, well not for a while anyway. And then suddenly James had it all figured out. He looked back down at the brown picture frame in his hand and let one small tear fall down his face.

He thought he'd never have to deal with this again. Deal with _her_ again. But here she was, looking straight back at him. In all her smiling glory.

Santana Lopez.

It was bad enough that Brittany and he had to see her face everywhere they went, on billboards and magazines, but to actually have her in their house. That was just plain wrong.

He looked at the picture once more, and looked at how happy Brittany looked, back when she was sixteen and had everything all set out for her. He looked and stared at her smiling face, making her eyes crinkle a bit at the corners. He could see the way they twinkled as they stared back into the eyes of the girl James had never met but was always envious of.

Her best friend Santana Lopez.

His eyes turned cold and hard as they bore into the happy memory he was witnessing before him.

Both teenagers in their McKinley high cheerleading uniform, Brittany had her arms wrapped around Santana's neck as she held the girl closer to her. Santana had her face to Brittany's as she placed a gentle kiss onto her rosy red cheeks. Even though she was sideways it was evident that the girl was smiling into the kiss. Brittany was facing the front, but her eyes were looking at hers, they were both staring into each other, and it was almost like they were the only people in the world. They both looked so free, so happy; anyone could feel their love for each other just by looking at this one picture. And that's what made James' eyes flash with anger the most.

How did the picture get there? Why was it still here in their flat?

James' jaw clenched. She had no right to be here. Even if she was just a memory. She was supposed to be a memory Brittany had forgotten about long ago.

So why hadn't she?

James knew why, because she was Santana freakin' Lopez. She would never just be a memory to her, and he knew it.

James' anger was becoming so strong and powerful that he was just about to throw their perfectly smiling faces onto the ground, when he finally acknowledged the song playing in the background. James immediately turned to his phone and instantly remembered turning the radio on. He didn't remember the song switching, but then again it was a while ago since he had turned it on so there was bound to be another song by now.

He didn't think he had ever heard this one before, the melody was one he didn't recognise, but he did find the voice to be familiar. It was a kind-of calm, girly voice, he figured he must have heard Brittany play one of her other songs before, because this one sounded new. He wasn't sure what made him fully listen to it until he started to hear the lyrics of the song, and he realised that fate or karma must really be against him today, because what would be the chances of them playing this song, tonight, after what he had just been through as well. This night was just getting too weird for his liking.

_ # I found a photograph behind the TV_

_ You look so happy, are you missing the way it used to be?_

James didn't realise that he had been thinking that question, until now. Is that really how she felt? Did she still miss her? Most importantly, did she miss _them_?

_ And I have changed this room around more often lately_

_ It's clear that me and these four walls_

_ Still know it's hers and yours_

She _had_ been quite closed off and distant recently. She had become quieter, not her usual talkative self, and he found she wasn't as bouncy as she used to be. Sometimes she would just sit there and stare, she had been daydreaming a lot more than usual. He didn't really know when this had started but if he had to guess he would say it was when he proposed. Everything was perfectly fine until they both decided to take the next step in their relationship. Now she was quiet and her walls seemed to have gone shooting up. And now, he knew why.

_Perfect heart, she's so flawless_

_ She's the other woman_

_ Shining in her splendour_

_ You were lost_

Looking at the picture James could see that she really was flawless. He had always thought that, with every picture he saw of her. But that was just it; she was flawless, in pictures. He knew what she was really like because of what she did to Brittany. What she made her go through, everyday. All the pain, she really wasn't that perfect after all. When he thought about it, he really didn't know what Brittany saw in her.

_ Now she's gone_

_ And I'm picking up the pieces_

_ I watch you cry_

_ But you don't see that I'm the one by your side_

He was always there for her. Everyday. He had never left her. He would never leave her. He just couldn't do that to her. Unlike _her_, he knew what he had and he intended to keep it. He knew she was too good to lose.

_ Cause she's gone_

_ In her shadow is it me you see?_

_ Cause all that's left is you and I_

_ And I'm picking up the pieces_

_ She left behind_

But just like the song said, she was the other person. And he was the one that had to clean up the mess she had made. He would never call someone as perfect as Brittany a mess, but her heart sure was. She was completely broken when they had met. And she still was even years after that. And he was the one that had to pick her up when she fell.

And she did fall. A lot.

But he never gave up on her.

_ Are we liars in denial?_

_ Are we smoke without the fire?_

_ Tell me please, is this worth it_

_ I deserve it_

Were they breaking apart?

No, James knew that Brittany loved him. He could tell. He knew they were worth it.

But did she? Where they enough for her?

James knew they were because he made it so, everyday. Brittany loves him; James wasn't going to question that. But still, apart of him just didn't know anymore. He looked down at the picture once more and saw just how happy they were. He began to question if they were ever that happy too? James seemed to think so.

But did she?

_Cause she's gone_

_And I'm picking up the pieces_

_I watch you cry_

_But you don't see that I'm the one by your side_

James decided to sit back down on the couch, and take slow, deep breathes. But it still didn't stop the tears from falling. He remembered every night he ever witnessed Brittany crying, those tear-stained mascara running cries. And after all those years of being strong and holding in the tears, he finally broke down too. As he listened to the song come to an end he realised that it was going to be a long night.

_Cause she's gone_

_In her shadow is it me you see?_

_Cause all that's left is you and I_

_And I'm picking up the pieces_

_She left behind_


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Hey, sorry its been a while, but please forgive me with this update, 7000 words and 12 pages. Its not my longest, but im hoping this chapter makes up for it, if its not too sad for you all hehe :)

Anyways, recommend listening to the song in this chap , Nothing Compares to You by Sinead O'Connor - watch?v=iUiTQvT0W_0 whilst reading, i think it makes the story feel more real.

And lastly, happy reading :D

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

_30th October 2005 _

_She lay there, still as a stone. That's exactly how she felt, inside and out, she felt just like a stone. _

_It had been three months and seven days of this, feeling like this. Like a stone. She wasn't alive anymore, everyone knew that. They just had to look at her and they'd know it. _

_Brittany Pierce just wasn't the same anymore. _

_She knew it, her parents knew it, even Sue Sylvester knew it and she hardly pays attention to anyone but herself. Brittany pierce was broken, completely and utterly broken, without _her_ by her side. _

_Brittany found that she hardly remembered doing anything anymore, she never remembered waking up, getting dressed or even going to school. Her days would just fly by in a blur. Sometimes she'd awaken from her long daydreams and quickly look around just to see where she was before she'd disappear back to her world of nothing, only to do it all over again in a few hours time. She would always find herself somewhere else, every time she did, and she'd never remember how or why she was there. She just was. _

_And soon that's what Brittany became. The girl who was just there. _

_She was still in Cheerio's, much to her annoyance although most of the time Brittany found that she didn't really care, she had planned on quitting but for some unknown reason Coach Sylvester never gave her the chance too. Brittany didn't see the point in her staying there, she hardly did anything anymore. She never flipped and moved like she used to, she just couldn't bring herself to anymore. _

_She would try, God only knows how much she would try, but she just could never spin or turn the same way, she just couldn't dance the same way anymore. It was almost like she had given up on it, she had lost all inspiration to dance. _

_Brittany had lost her muse._

_So why she was still in Cheerio's she did not know, just like all the other girls in Cheerio's too, some even going as far as to voice their opinions on it seeing as they could do that now. Now that she didn't have _her _by her side._

_She didn't do motocross anymore, though. That was something her mother just couldn't force her to do for any longer, and something her mother gave up trying to do as well. If Brittany wanted to sit around and mope all day, then her mother had no choice but to allow her to do just that. _

_No matter how much it pained her to do it, Brittany needed to grieve it all out. It was the only way. So that's exactly what Brittany did. Just like what she was doing now. Grieving it all out. In the choir room. The one place she had been in for almost an hour now. _

_She didn't know why she was in here. Again, Brittany drifted off into her own world, only to wake up and find herself here, still in school in the choir room, even though Glee Club wasn't even on today. She had come here anyway. Out of all the places Brittany would wake to find herself in, the choir room was the most common. She would wake to find herself her so often that she had begun to expect it now. _

_But what she didn't expect was to find herself curled up on the red, plastic seats in the middle row of the room. She hadn't expected to find herself lying down on two chairs, with her head being on _her_ seat - the one _she_ would sit on the most in the back row corner - crying her eyes out. _

_She thought she had done enough crying to last her entire lifetime, but as she began to lift up her hand to wipe away her tears she begun to see that maybe she was wrong. She clearly hadn't been crying enough._

_Brittany was relieved to find that she still had _her_ grey top in hand; she let out a small sigh at that. She still hadn't gone a single day without the shirt in hand. Brittany would burst out in tears if she found that she wasn't holding it, even for a second. She didn't know why she was clinging onto it so much. She knew that it was creepy. To get so attached to someone else's shirt like she was, but she still couldn't let go of it. Not even if she tried. _

_It was a simple grey shirt; Brittany found, there really wasn't much to it. It was just a plain old grey tank top that was now quite creased and frayed out in places. It didn't have any fancy words or sparkles on it, nothing to catch anyone's attention, just a simple tank top that she would wear every now and then to jog in or when she started to run out of clean tops. The memories enough to put a small smile on Brittany's face, she loved when she would remember _her_. She found that her memories were the best part of her day. When she would just zone out on everything and everyone and just remember _her_. _

Her_ face._

Her_ smile._

_The way her face would disappear for a second when she would put on her simple grey shirt. _

_It was always the little things that she would remember the most, and they were the ones that she'd always cherish, with all her heart. _

_Brittany began to lift the shirt to her face and buried it by her neck. She didn't care how weird she may look right now, cuddling a grey top. Brittany found that she was going to do it anyway. And as she closed her eyes her memories of _her_ became clearer. So clear that it was almost like she was staring at her beautiful face right now. _

_She could see her. She was right there, in front of her. She was lying down on the red, plastic chairs too. She was so close to Brittany that she could see every detail on her perfect Latina face. The way _her _eyes were sparkling so brightly at her and all Brittany made _her_ do was look at her. They weren't even saying a thing. Brittany wasn't even sure if they were breathing, well she didn't know if she was. She didn't think that she was because Brittany found that she would never breathe when they were in this position. When they would just lye down beside each other, and stare. People always said that _she_ was mean; they would forever go on about how bad she was because she would make them cry just by the use of the words coming out of her perfect mouth. But Brittany knew otherwise, she always knew the real _her_. She was the only one that ever did, because Brittany was the only one that got to do things like this with her. And imagining her now, the way she was staring at her, so intensely, like as if she was the best thing she had ever seen, with the sun shining on her caramel skin Brittany knew just how wrong they all were. She was perfect. Brittany could see her halo shining so bright it was almost blinding her; Brittany always knew that she was her angel. _

_Brittany wanted to reach out to her. To touch her. To stroke her hair, just the way she liked it. But when she lifted her arm up to try and stroke her soft, round cheek, she found that she was stroking nothing. Her hand instantly dropped, all she felt was air. Cold, hard air. Nothing like what she was expecting to touch at all. And then suddenly her perfect face, shining away in all its glory, began to fade away. She was slowly disappearing from her mind, just like she did in real life too. _

_Brittany let out a pained whimper at the thought. She had left her. And suddenly nothing else mattered anymore. Not Glee Club or Cheerio's, or the fact that for the past three months all she's been doing is partying at night and not being seen in the day, none of that mattered anymore. All that mattered was the fact that _she_ was slowly slipping away from her; the perfect angel whom she was staring at just a moment ago was now becoming nothing, just a pair of red, plastic chairs in front of her._

_She had left her. _

_Brittany reached out with her arm once more. She stretched them out as far as they could go in the place that she knew where _she_ was. She squeezed her eyes closed, never wanting them to open, even the slightest, for fear of what she would undoubtedly see if she did. She couldn't see that, she wouldn't._ She_ just had to be there. Brittany knew it. But she kept reaching out; she started to wave her hand around, trying to stroke her precious hair, but nothing. Nothing._

_There was absolutely nothing there. Just her, by herself, in a school choir room. In Lima, Ohio. With _her_ most likely in a studio. In Central New York. Miles away from her. Just like _she_ had been for three months now. _She_ was miles away from her heart. _

_Brittany couldn't take it anymore, and she let out a pained cry, the kind of cry she had been avoiding ever since that day with her mother and her in the bathroom. That was the last day she ever admitted that she missed her. That was the last day that Brittany ever really said anything. From then on it was just simple yes' and no's or a shrug of the shoulder. No witty comment about her cat reading her diary. No random facts about unicorns or dolphins were ever heard from her mouth again. Not since she left her, and took her heart away with her. It didn't beat the same anymore. Brittany knew it. _

_How can it, when it would only ever beat for _her_? _

_Nothing was the same without _her_ by her side. Nothing was right without _her_. And Brittany found that no matter what, no matter how hard she tried, nobody could ever compare to _her_. _

_Not the dumb jocks that would endlessly be trying it on with her at the parties, not the guys that would shamefully flirt with her when they thought they had a chance, not even the cute and innocent guys that her friends would try and set her up with, just so she could 'move on' and get a rebound already._

_She'd had enough of those, she didn't want a rebound, she found them pointless and a waste of time because nothing would ever happen and when she did try to actually kiss another guy all she could do was think of _her _and think how he hadn't even come close. _

_He didn't compare to_ her_ at all. _

_And all she could do was cry and apologise, and now every time she saw the innocent boy he would give her a simple smile and she would give him one back. But even his smile didn't compare. Brittany found that nothing did. Nothing even came close to comparing to the beautiful angel she was just staring at only a moment ago._

_She couldn't help it, the tears came of there own accord, but Brittany didn't really care. She simply let them fall, knowing from past experience that they would either way. So she let them, she decided to just let it all out. She grabbed hold of the grey shirt and clung to it for dear life with both hands, cradling it in her arms. She couldn't let it go, not even if she tried. And she let her pained sobs fill up the empty room. It was all she could hear, it was all she could feel. _

_She didn't want to feel the pain anymore. It hurt too much. Everything was beginning to hurt too much. But what Brittany hated the most was the fact that all she could think was how much she just wanted_ her_ to be there, beside her. Just like she would be before. _

_But nothing was the same anymore. _

_When her sobs began to quieten down Brittany decided to do the one thing she could think to do. Even though she dreaded thinking about it, she knew that it was the only thing that would help her right now. _

_She thought of Rachel Berry, and thought what she would do in this situation. Well, if she hadn't already tried committing suicide by now, Brittany thought that she would do the only thing Rachel Berry knows to do. She would sing. She always said that singing a song that was filled with emotion would help her to control her emotions. Brittany hadn't the slightest clue on how that worked out, but then again she never really did understand the things Rachel said half the time, so she gave it a try. If it helps her to not feel this pain anymore, then it had to be worth it. _

_Brittany thought for awhile on what song it would be, and seeing as she couldn't handle listening to 'I'm All Out of Faith' again without crying her eyes out, she went with the only other song she knew word for word. The only other song she had been listening to over and over again because it was just too true. The song she could relate to the most. _

_She took a deep breath, never once opening her eyes. With the shirt in her arms, she began to sing. _

# It's been three months and seven days

Since you took your love away

_Even though there was no one else in the room, Brittany could hear the music. She could see the faces of her friends in Glee Club, all smiling at her as she sung her emotions out to them. And for a split second, she felt better. She felt safe. _

I go out every night and sleep all day

Since you took your love away

Since you've been gone I can do whatever I want

I can see whomever I choose

_Brittany remembered all the times _she_ always told her to go here or go there. All the times _she_ would chuck clothes at her and tell her that 'they were going out' and Brittany would never question her. Not once. _

_She would go with her anywhere. _

_But she couldn't do that anymore, Brittany got to be the one to decide from now on. _

I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant

But nothing

I said nothing can take away these blues

Cause nothing compares-

_She took a huge breath, her breathing starting to quicken as her tears began to fall down like a waterfall. They just wouldn't stop. It was making Brittany's voice come out croaky and she found she would take quick breathes as to not choke on the air. She knew she should stop; the song was beginning to hurt her too. But she couldn't, so she carried on in a painful choke. _

Nothing compares to you

It's been so lonely without you here

Like a bird without a song

Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling

Tell me baby, where did I go wrong?

_She thought of all the questions she would ask_ her_, all the unasked questions she could never bring herself to say, but the one question that always played on her mind was that one. _

_Where did she go wrong? What had she done to make her want to leave? _

_Why did she have to be so lonely? _

_She just wanted her best friend back. _

I could put my arms around every boy I see

But they'd only remind me of you

_Brittany let out a heartless chuckle at that, even when she tried to forget, the beautiful Latina was always on her mind. _

I went to the doctor, guess what he told me

Guess what he told me

He said girl you better try to have fun

No matter what you do

But he's a fool

Cause nothing compares

Nothing compares to you

_Brittany's tears were starting to calm down, but Brittany prepared herself anyway by taking another deep breath before finishing off the song. _

Nothing compares

Nothing compares to you

_Brittany didn't want to, not anymore, she tried to hold it in with all her might but when she had to say the line one final time it all got too much. Before she knew it she had broken down, all over again. Her tears coming down like streams in a river. Brittany hugged the shirt tighter and with the song in mind she tried to cry herself to sleep. _

_But then she heard light footsteps in the distance and Brittany knew that she wouldn't be able to fall asleep now. So she stuck to crying into _her_ shirt instead, whilst praying that whoever it was walking around school at this time – whatever the time was – would simply ignore the cries and walk away. _

_But they didn't. Brittany knew they wouldn't. She just wanted them too. She just wanted to be left alone. But by the sounds of the footsteps getting louder and closer Brittany knew that her being left alone was the last thing on the other persons mind right now. They heard her crying and came running, especially at the sounds of the cries she was releasing, nobody could ignore that. Not even if they tried._

_So Brittany prepared herself for the worst. For the never-ending questions and the petty reassurances and offers of lifts home, even though she had a perfectly good car out back. And when she heard a small gasp Brittany knew exactly what was coming. She tried to steady her cries but found even with someone else in view they wouldn't stop. So she didn't let them. _

_But what Brittany did find strange was that she didn't get what she had expected at all. There were no questions, no silly starter of 'Are you okay?' Instead she got a pair of soft, familiar hands on her shoulders. Not the hands that she wanted the most, but the next best ones instead. _

_She certainly wasn't expecting the girl she knew it was, to be here in the choir room too. Lifting her up as quick as she could and throwing her into her warm embrace. When she smelt the familiar scent of Lavender Brittany knew that she was right. Her short, blonde haired friend Quinn Fabray had found her. _

_Quinn always seemed to find her now. It was almost like she had a tracker on her whom Quinn only knew about; even her parents hardly knew where she went most of the time. But for some reason, being in her warm arms, smelling her homey scent Brittany couldn't help but be glad that Quinn put a tracker on her. She needed this, deep down inside, a friendly hug was all Brittany had been craving for. She just couldn't admit it until now. _

_When Quinn skipped out the reassurances and offers of lifts home and went straight into asking her 'You still miss her don't you?' Brittany couldn't help but smile. _

_It was a small one, but it was genuine and that was something she hadn't been able to do in so long. Right then she couldn't have been more thankful, just for knowing a girl like Quinn. _

_So Brittany gave her an answer, and not just a shrug, a real honest answer. _

_"I've missed her from the moment I walked away" _

_Brittany could tell that she had shocked her, by the fact that she had gone quiet all of a sudden told her enough. She knew that Quinn hadn't been expecting that either. And Brittany let out a genuine chuckle, it was small and quiet but she knew Quinn heard it nevertheless and that made her smile a little bit more. She loved how they both seemed to be surprising each other today, both of which hadn't been expecting the unexpected at all._

_"Nothing compares to _her_ Quinn, nothing" Brittany suddenly let slip. _

_The only thing she'd been thinking about for two months now, when she found out. When she said it she let out a contented sigh. It was almost like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders, just by admitting those simple words. Maybe Rachel Berry was right, maybe singing really could help sometimes. _

_"I know, B, I know" was all Quinn said before giving her a small squeeze. _

_But that didn't comfort Brittany at all because she didn't know. Nobody could ever know how she was feeling, because nobody knew just how close to her she really was, so how could anybody really know. With that in mind Brittany went shooting up, anger starting to show instead. _

_"No, you don't know. Nobody knows anything because nobody understands-" but it seemed that she wasn't the only one beginning to get angry now as a small blonde began to interrupt her. _

_"Then help me too!" Quinn snapped back, her eyes piercing into Brittany's and holding her there. "That's all I've ever wanted to do Brittany, I just want to understand. All this moping around and being sad isn't good for you, its not going to solve anything"_

_"But being honest with you might?" Brittany asked her, snapping back just the same. _

_"Yes, it really could because you might finally start admitting things, all the things you've been holding in these past three months you just need to let them out. You've done the crying, three months of it, now you just need to tell me what I should know. I need to understand B!" Quinn told her in all honesty, her anger finally coming out after all these months. _

_"You need to understand, well then understand this; _she_ is all I've ever known!" Brittany shouted out, her anger spilling out of her. She didn't know where it came from she just knew that it was finally out and she wouldn't be able to stop it now. _

_"Just like how Rachel has always known she's gonna be on Broadway someday, just like Kurt has always known that he likes the same sex, just like you've always known your gonna do something great with your life because of your cunning ways. From the moment I met _her_, the strange tanned girl who spoke with a bit of an accent, when I was six years old, I've known. _

_"I've known that she was special, that she would be the one to kiss me awake if I'd been asleep for a hundred years. That she would kiss me better if I'd stupidly eaten a poisoned apple, that she would let me stay in her massive castle if I had nowhere else to go, that she would be the one to teach me how to walk and talk if I get confused. _

_"From the age of six I've always known that she was going to be my prince to my princess that she was always going to be my guardian angel. And from that moment on she became the only thing I've ever known." Brittany knew that she had started to cry again, but what she didn't know was that Quinn had started to become a blubbering mess with her. _

_Watching one of her best friends rant on about the one person she'd most likely never see again was just too much to take and soon her eyes had gotten the better of her. _

_With both blondes crying their eyes out Brittany's anger began to fade away, but her tears still remained the same. But she knew she couldn't stop now, she still had so much more to say, so she took a deep breath before continuing. _

_"People expect me to only know how to dance or say stupid words at the wrong time, but really I had to teach myself that stuff. I had to learn how to pop and lock and do the perfect pirouette, I had to learn to make that come naturally, just like the words. I had to teach myself to say those things without cracking up a smile. None of it came naturally. _

_"That was until I met her, and then suddenly everything just flowed into place. I didn't have to pretend or lie around her; she made me laugh without having to try. She made me see things and realise things nobody had ever made me realise before. She taught me so many things, some of which I didn't even realise I had learnt from her. When I'm with her everything just comes naturally, I don't even have to try, not once. _

_"She's the only person I love more than anything in the entire world, and then she had to go and leave me. And you expect me to not be sad? Quinn I've known the girl since I was six years old and we've been inseparable ever since. Throughout our whole eleven years of being together we'd only been away from each other a week and that was the longest week of my life. And now she's gone and she's never coming back, not even for me. Do you know how much that hurts? To know that I wasn't even good enough to make her stay. _

_"I was never good enough for her; she didn't want us to be together, no matter how hard I tried. She told me she loves me and wants to be with me, yet she goes and leaves me. And now I'm left without her beside me. Now I'm left feeling so alone, so lonely. I can't do anything without her Quinn, I just can't. I try to so much but none of it is the same anymore. How can princesses ever live on without their prince? How can anyone do anything without their guardian angel?" Brittany asked the shorter blonde, her eyes locking onto hers genuinely curious, wanting answers that Quinn's not even sure she can give her. _

_But she was going to try anyway; she took a big gulp before answering. _

_"Well I suppose a princess just has to be strong and has to go on, after all she still has an entire kingdom to look after. And look at me, I haven't found my guardian angel yet and I'm still alive and well" Quinn said, her eyes hopeful that Brittany would just accept her answer and finally decide to move on. _

_But she could see the way Brittany's face fell, how her eyes suddenly landed on the ground, like she was disappointed with the answer. Quinn knew that she wasn't going to move on, she wasn't ready yet. She supposes after being with someone for eleven years, and most of that time being as a child, three months just isn't enough to let go. _

_"I know, but how do you do that Quinn? That's something I've never known, and something I never thought I would need to know because no matter what I could always rely on having _her_ by my side. She was always next to me, every second of every day. We were like Siamese twins, just without the relation part – because that would be weird." Both girls let out a small chuckle at that, trust Brittany to make a speech so sad be funny at the same time. _

_"But now that we've had our surgery and been separated we've gone our own ways. How does anyone ever recover from that, Q?" she asked again, her voice going croaky at the end as her eyes began to well up once more. _

_"I guess once you've been separated you've just got to learn to find out who you are again"_

_"But how am I supposed to know who I am again when I don't even know who that was in the first place. I was six, how can anyone possibly remember who they were when they were six because I have no idea. She's all I've ever known Quinn. I don't know anything but her. She's the only thing I know like the back of my hand. _

_"I know from the way she crinkles her nose in her dreams means that she's dreaming of the most amazing food because that's exactly what she does when she gets the breadsticks at 'Breadstix.' I know that she can't finish a meal without singing 'yummy, yummy, yummy, I got food in my tum-my' even if she has to sing it in her head." Brittany let out a small chuckle at that and Quinn could see the gleam in her eyes as she began to remember her. _

_"I know that she can't sleep in the dark unless I'm sleeping next to her because I made her watch too many scary films during sleepovers to scar her for life, she can't bear wishing wells or rooms with rocking chairs because of it." Quinn's eyes began to soften at that revelation, she really didn't know Santana at all. _

_But what Quinn found worse than realising that, was realising that she didn't know Brittany and Santana at all. But looking at Brittany now, the way her eyes were sparkling, just a little bit, by simply thinking of the other girl Quinn could see that she was beginning too. _

_"I know that when she's really sad she'll look to me first because she likes to make sure that I'm not sad too. And I know that when she misses me - but can't do anything about it because we're too far away - she makes those plastic cup-phones and sticks one end outside the door so she can't see it and holds the other one by her ear and imagines that I'm there on the other side of the door talking straight to her. _

_"I know that she does that because I taught her it when we were at camp during Lower-School summer break and she loved it from the moment I proved that it works by standing right next to her and shouting through the cup, through hers to her ear and giving her an earache all day. _

_"I know all of this about her and much more. I know all of this because I've studied her, my whole life, every last detail. _

_"And now your expecting me to go past all of that, the whole eleven years, and go to that very day when I was six, back when I thought the sky was filled with milk because it had white blotches on it and always wondered why it rained water instead. "You want me to go right back to the days when I didn't know anything because I don't know anything without her Q. I don't know who I am without her, and in all honesty I don't think I want too." Brittany finished off her speech. _

_Her head was still downcast but her eyes looked up to Quinn, letting her know that she was speaking the truth. _

_"I know, and I also know that it's going to be hard but, B, you really are going to have too. I'm not saying you have to find yourself now or even anytime soon, you should take all the time you need, you can't rush these things, I know that. _

_"But the one thing I do know is that you're going to have to at least try to find you, to find the someone that you would have been if you had never met _her_. I'm not telling you to forget _her_ because I know that you couldn't, ever. But _you_ need to know who _you_ were going to be, it's your only choice now, Brittany. It really is." Quinn could see the hurt in her eyes when she had taken in what she said. _

_But even though she was hurt Quinn knew that this time she had said the right thing, because she knows that deep down inside Brittany knew that too. She knew that she would have to find herself, sometime, without _her_ by her side. _

_Brittany understood she got what Quinn was saying to her. She just didn't want to believe it, didn't want to accept that that was her fate now. To live her life, without the Latina there to hold her hand. _

_She always thought she knew exactly what her future would hold. She had been lucky enough to find her 'soul mate' at the tender age of six, she didn't even need to think hard about where her future would go, what she would do, who she would be with. She already knew the answers to all of them; she grew up knowing them because the answer was so simple. _

_One simple name. _

_Santana. _

_The one name she hadn't spoken of in so long because it just hurt too much to even think it was now the one thing she couldn't stop thinking about. _

_Santana. _

_One name had been deciding her entire future since she was a child. Santana was her future. She was everything and more. But now instead of looking into the future, she was now her past, her memories, her history. She was her childhood and that's all. There is no future with Santana anymore. _

_Now when she thinks about the future it's just one big blur. The white picket fenced, red shuttered house she used to see is now a mess of white. The two beautiful mini Latina children she would envision are now nothing. And the perfect, heavenly angel she would have standing next to her, smiling brightly at the camera for their family picture, is now gone. Her future is now a big mystery that she had never planned on creating, but was now something she needed to solve, without _her_. _

_Brittany got it. So she slowly looked up to Quinn's questioning face. She could see the pure worry etched onto it, and she realised that she must have blanked out for awhile. But now that Quinn could see that she was looking at her, her face seemed to relax somewhat. Brittany gave a small smile to this before saying. _

_"Okay"_

_That was enough for Quinn. She could see the determination in her eyes, and she knew straight away that Brittany had agreed to try. It was going to be hard, and it would take a lot longer than three months, but Brittany was willing to try. And that was all that mattered now. Quinn gave her a beaming smile back in return. _

_Present Day_

_27th March 2012 _

After hearing Santana's new song Brittany's thoughts went straight back to that day in the choir room. That was a memory she had almost forgotten about, she had hardly ever thought about that day with Quinn and how she made her see sense. Quinn always did that, she made everyone see sense somehow. Maybe that was why she was her best friend because - apart from the fiery Latina - Quinn Fabray was the one person she always needed.

She never really knew why because she found the shorter blonde to be irritating at times, but she still loved her all the same. She could never truly be mad at Quinn. And when times got hard she found she would always turn to the sly ex-HBIC of their school because she knew that Quinn would always be there. And right now that's all she needed.

She just needed Quinn to be here for her because she was the only person she could think of to turn too right now. And now times were very hard.

After hearing what she thought was Santana singing to her on the radio, telling her how she felt now that she knew she was getting married broke the very tender, healing heart of Brittany's. Santana had literally cut right threw it, just through one song, and it was killing Brittany.

She was getting so confused she didn't know what to think or do. So as soon as the song came to end and she had finished repeating it in her mind over and over again, Brittany could only think of one place to go, having forgotten all about James or where she was even headed in the first place a long time ago.

She headed to the one house she had always felt so welcome in, the one place where she knew she would never get judged or looked at like she was still such a fragile thing – even though Brittany knew that she probably was. She went straight to her house, Quinn's house.

When she arrived she didn't realise what time it was, it was getting quite dark out, but she knew that no matter what Quinn would always be happy to see her. Unless she was busy with her boyfriend Kevin, like she was a couple times in the past, that's when things would just get awkward. But she could see that all the downstairs lights were on and Kevin's precious Volkswagen wasn't on the driveway so Brittany knew she was in the all clear.

She parked her Mini Convertible just outside her friend's posh four-bed roomed house, even though there were just two people living it. Brittany still didn't know what was in the extra two bedrooms; maybe they were spare rooms too. Brittany made sure to remember to ask Quinn about that later on. First she had more pressing matters to be dealing with.

So she shook away any unnecessary thoughts and began to head to the big white front door.

Brittany always did love her front door, sometimes she found that she wouldn't actually knock on it for a few seconds just so she could look at it for a little longer. She loved how it had a flowery pattern engraved on the wood, but because of the pure white painted over it, it could be hard to see unless you squinted. She thought it had a very strange mystical effect to it; the flowers were almost like vines climbing up the side of a house. She always thought that the only thing missing on it was a unicorn knocker, and then it would be perfect.

After her few seconds of staring Brittany finally raised her hand to knock on the almost-perfect door but found that she didn't need to as it swung open of its own accord. She was so surprised by that she didn't notice that Quinn was standing there in front of her, with her hair tied up in a messy bun and her nightgown on.

When she finally looked forward and not at the magical door she saw Quinn's curious face looking back at her own tear-stained one. That's when she realised what she must look like, she had completely forgotten that she had been crying away in her car, her tears were silent and so she began to forget all about them.

She knew she must have the worst panda eyes right now, but she didn't care. She was just happy to see her best friend standing there, ready to welcome her in with open arms.

"B, you know we have a doorbell, I don't know why you insist on knocking all the time" Quinn said, completely skipping greetings and asking how she is altogether.

Something Brittany always loved about Quinn; she never asked questions, she always just went straight to the point. Just like she knew she was going to do now.

She could feel Quinn staring at her, her small attempt at a joke to clear the air not working in the slightest. Mainly because she would say the same thing every time she visited. Brittany really did need to learn to use the doorbell.

She could still feel her stare, her eyes never leaving her face, she could feel Quinn soaking in every detail she could and knew that she wasn't happy with what she found in the slightest. Brittany could see the way her eyes softened, like she could immediately pick up on Brittany's upset. She hated that she made her feel that way, but all Brittany needed right now was a soft hug from her best friend. So that's what she planned on getting.

But instead she found she got caught by surprise, yet again, as instead of an immediate embrace, Quinn told her the one thing she hadn't heard her say in years. The one thing she least expected her to say, especially since she had only just been thinking about that day only a moment ago.

"You still miss her don't you?" Quinn asked her so gently, her voice so quiet and soft it was almost like she was afraid to say it in case her tall blonde friend would brake all over again.

But she had to ask, because she knew that _she_ was the only reason Brittany could ever look how she did right now. Like the crying, whimpering mess of a body she had walked in on all those years ago. And from the immediate hurt in her eyes and the way she nodded her head she knew that she had thought correctly.

Suddenly it was like she was getting a huge case of déjà vu as Brittany began to look at her the exact same way she had that day in the choir room. Brittany was seventeen again, and so innocent and fragile just a simple touch could break her. All she needed now was that grey shirt in her hands again and she would look just as small as she had that day.

"I've missed her from the moment I walked away."

And that's all Brittany needed to say before her fragile self broke down. But this time Quinn was prepared and she opened up her arms instantly, preparing her for her friends fall so she could be there to catch her.

That's exactly what she did too, as Brittany ran straight into her warm embrace and held onto her tightly, just like she had with the shirt she always held. And just like the shirt Brittany didn't plan on letting go.

But Quinn understood, she never wanted her to let go either, her friend was hurting, she would hold her for a whole year if she had too. Then Quinn really understood what this was all about, she didn't even have to ask as Brittany answered it for her anyway.

"She knows Q. Santana knows I'm getting married, and now I don't know what to do." Brittany's small voice coming out muffled as she buried her face into Quinn's shoulder, taking in her cute-homey scent all over again.

"I know, B, I know" she said, simply nodding her head in understanding. It was going to be a long night.


	8. Chapter 8-Part 1

_A/N: Thank you all for your reviews, favs and alerts, they all bring a smile to my face like this :[)_

_I've read through this chap as much as possible but if there's still mistakes than they are all my own. _

_Have fun reading :))_

* * *

**Chapter Eight – Part One**

_Present Day – Two Days Later_

_30th March 2012_

She couldn't believe that she was doing this.

Oh God, why was she doing this?

When did she agree to go with Puck, a week ago? She didn't really think she would actually go through with it.

But now, here she was. In a cab, in Lima, Ohio heading to the one place she never thought she would ever go. To see the one person she only ever dreamt of seeing again. She was really doing this; she was finally going to see her – after all this time.

Oh God, why was she doing this?

"Because, you love her and you want her back" Puck told her nonchalantly.

He was sitting next to the famous celebrity at the back of the cab. In his brand new tuxedo, which he had bought specially for the occasion, it was a fancy party after all so he had to dress up to impress. He had been listening to the Latina drone and whine for days now, but he wasn't getting annoyed, if anything he seemed to find the whole situation hilarious. He actually couldn't wait to see the blonde haired woman's reaction.

"What?" Santana asked him, completely confused.

She had been so worked up in her own thoughts to even remember the, now completely shaven haired, man sitting next to her.

"You asked why you were doing this, like you have been asking for the past couple of days now. So I replied with the same answer that I've been giving you for the past couple of days, because you love her, and you want her back. Simple" Puck gave a slight shrug at the end of his small speech.

"Simple. How the hell is this simple?" Santana asked rhetorically her face starting to scrunch up in anger "she's getting married, you idiot, none of this is simple at all. In fact it's the complete opposite of simple. If it was simple she'd be back with me already. But she's not. No. And do you know why, because it's NOT Simple!" she shouted out, her anger getting the better of her. All of her worries and complaints that she had been keeping inside of her finally bursting out after one little word.

How could he think this was simple?

"Alright, geesh, it's not simple. Are you happy now J-LO?" Puck said, shocked with the black haired woman's reaction, he hadn't expected her to freak out just yet.

"No, I'm not. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to snap at you, I guess I'm just really freaking out right now. I mean what if she doesn't remember me, like at all?" She asked, completely serious.

This had been the one question that had been bugging her for days. She didn't think she could handle it if the blonde woman didn't recognise her, she wouldn't know what to do with herself.

"Really Santana, you're asking that." Puck said looking her straight in the eyes; he really couldn't believe the woman sometimes. "She'll remember you; I doubt she's ever remembered anything else"

And that was all he said before he opened the door and stepped out, leaving the Latina to sit in the back seat completely flabbergasted. Sometimes, she was thankful for having a man like Puck, even though he was just meant to be her bodyguard the two knew that he'll always be way more than that to her. He did - technically - take her virginity after all. But then again, he took Brittany's and Quinn's too. Yeah, she was truly thankful.

It wasn't until then that she realised just where she was now, seeing as Puck had up and left her. So she paid the cab fair, giving the man an extra tip too – see she could be nice, when she wanted to be – before following her bodyguard out of the car. Santana had never been more grateful for a masquerade party than she was now. As much as she loved pleasing her fans, and giving out autographs and pictures, when it came to nights like this that was the last thing she wanted to be dealing with. She didn't want anyone to recognise her except for the one person she was here to see in the first place.

As she slowly started to step out of the car, one leg before the other, she was so glad to see that no eyes were on her. Well, maybe a few drooling men here and there who stare at the nice piece of flesh showing as her dress had a slit running up the side to reveal her slender, caramel skin, but nothing she hadn't ever witnessed before. Santana knew that this was a party, and it wasn't some A-Class celebrity party at that too, this was her ex-best friend's engagement party. So she didn't want anything to ruin that, including annoying paparazzi that happened to find her everywhere she went. Even in a small place like Ohio, especially a small place like Ohio. It was easier to find her.

Puck was right, the town really was small. Smaller than she ever remembered it to be. Santana was more than surprised to find that as soon as she had left the plane she did remember the place like the back of her hand. It was easy enough for the Latina to get the company to give her a few weeks off, seeing as she had managed to release a new song within a day, but she knew that that was all she would be able to have off _because_ she had released a new song. As soon as she got back, she would need to sing it some more in recording studios to make sure it's completely perfect, before going off to sing it in shows and concerts. After these two weeks, she would never be able to rest again. So she knew that she had to enjoy this while she could. And no matter what Puck said, she wasn't here to win the woman over. Not yet anyway. She was here to see her best friend, and that was all. Even if her heart told her otherwise.

Santana gasped when she saw where the party was held. Her black masquerade mask, which covered up the top half of her face, starting to slip down a bit on her face as her hand began to fall, she was in complete awe. The building was grand, standing at least a hundred metres or so tall, and was made completely out of stone. Even though it was beginning to get dark out, at the late evening, Santana could still make out every fine detail, right from the golden arches on the door and windows. It was beautiful. Almost too beautiful.

"It's a beauty isn't it" Puck said, joining her side out of nowhere.

But Santana was still in too much shock to have even realised that he had randomly appeared. She couldn't believe that Lima even had a place like this. She didn't ever remember seeing this building before, and like she thought before, she knew this place like the back of her hand. Well now she supposes she was wrong. Brittany always was full of surprises. That's when she remembered.

Brittany.

Engaged.

Party.

She was at Brittany's engagement party.

At that thought her mask went shooting back to her face. As she looked around she let out a small sigh of relief, seeing that no one had looked over at her and realised that it was her – Santana Lopez. For this she was thankful as this was what was giving her the courage to take Puckerman's offered arm and step towards the grand building, knowing that people wouldn't know her until she told them. Santana let out a smile. 'This is going to be a fun night' she thought before taking the last steps into the building. Her charcoal black hair - hanging loosely down her shoulders - blowing in the slight breeze, and her elegantly long, flowing red dress burning away in the cold night sky.

When she stepped inside her first thought was that she didn't really know anyone, or recognise any faces, this was pretty hard to do with every single female wearing an odd shaped mask over their face. Santana couldn't help but think that it made the whole party seem a lot more graceful and refined.

The hall was just as beautiful on the inside as it was on the out. As it had long beams running all throughout the building, ending right at the top of the ceiling. Santana noticed small tables placed by the doors, with daisy flowers sitting on top of them. There was a long, stylish bar all along the right hand side of the building and a big stage with an orchestra on the left side.

She could see at least a hundred people inside the hall already, maybe even more than that, Santana wasn't really sure. With at least half of the people being waiters and waitresses, as they all seemed to glide along the wooden floor holding shining, silver trays in hand. Some with wine glasses, some with light snacks, like olive and cheese on a stick and other things that Santana couldn't really be sure of.

To say Santana was impressed was an understatement. She was completely blown away, she never imagined Brittany's party to be like this at all. It was all just so perfect and so elegant. None of it seemed to scream Brittany at all. She couldn't see any duck statues in the corners or any purple plates on red coloured tables…

But then again, this was the new Brittany now; she had no idea what colours this new Brittany liked. She didn't even know if she liked ducks anymore. Santana's smile seemed to falter at just the thought of it.

What kind of a world it be without a Brittany who didn't like ducks?

They were always just so happy and cute, just like Brittany, and she remembered the tall blonde would forever giggle at the way the ducks would quack every now and then.

But again, that was the old Brittany.

She was looking at the new Brittany now, the one for whom she knew absolutely nothing about. She had to know about her, though, this she was certain. Santana had two whole weeks to at least find out something about her, she had to, and she would, even if it killed her.

With that in mind Santana began to look around, but for the life of her, she couldn't seem to find the blonde haired beauty anywhere; no matter how hard she tried. She was even beginning to go as far as narrowing her eyes, but found that she only seemed to scare people off as they assumed she was glaring at them instead.

"Calm down Santana, you'll find her okay? Just go and get a drink or something" Puck told her reassuringly, once Santana's insistent sniffing around was getting too much.

After a few more stares and glares, Santana realised that she wasn't going to find Brittany anytime soon, so she did as Puck said and started to head for the bar. Maybe a few vodka martinis might calm down her nerves a bit. She made a bee line for the first bartender she could find and put on the best smirk she could. Her eyes gleaming at just the sight of all the alcohol behind the bar. She really did love to party, even after all this time.

She took slow, sure steps to the bartender, her red dress swaying with every step she took. She could see the look on the young bartenders face, his eyes never leaving her cleaverage. A bonus of the strapless dress she was wearing, they lifted up her bust, making them look ten tines bigger than they actually were. And by the looks on this innocent man's face, it was working too. Yeap, a free drink was in the bag. She may be a millionaire but even Santana couldn't help but get the old girl out, the one who loved to get a free drink here and there. Just like she was doing now. This night was already getting good.

"One Vodka Martini, please, and make it quick" Santana told the bartender, her voice coming out husky making the man's eyes fill with want.

Something she knew he could only ever dream of getting, but she wasn't going to tell him that anytime soon. The bartender just nodded his head in reply, his forehead starting to sweat a bit under her sultry gaze. This only made the Latina smirk even more. And in less than a second her martini was well made and placed in a glistening, long wine glass given to her by slightly shaking hands.

"And how much would this be exactly?" Santana asked, her voice dropping to an innocently kind one instead.

She always knew how to get what she wanted, when she wanted, she was Santana Lopez after all.

"O-o-on the house, ma'am" he stuttered out.

If Santana wasn't so happy with her awesome right now, she would even feel sorry for the young man. Virgin, she could tell, it was written all over his cute and innocent face. And for a second she couldn't help but be reminded of one Finn Hudson, and his cute and innocent face, all those years ago.

She really did hate herself for ruining that innocence sometimes, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. And in her case she had to _do_ something, including Finn's gassy looking face.

With that in mind, Santana gave the young bartender a tip, her smirk turning into a smile, before slowly turning away with the martini in hand.

It was a strong martini too, she could tell just by one sip, the alcohol already going straight to her head. She knew she wouldn't get drunk, she would need more than one glass for that, but she knew it wouldn't be long until she got a little tipsy at least. So she started to cool down on the martini, she didn't want to greet her best friend, the one she hasn't seen in seven years, with a drunken hug or smelling more like the bar then the people behind it.

But this thought went shooting out the window, when she caught sight of a beaming smile. One that she definitely hadn't seen in a while, and hadn't really ever planned on seeing it either. It was bad enough having the girl randomly appear in her dreams sometimes, but to actually have her walk up to her now, all annoying smiles and all was a whole other situation.

Before she knew it Santana was lifting the glass high, gulping down the rest of the martini as fast as she could. She definitely needed that, just so she could do what she was doing now.

Smile back at Rachel Berry.

Her ridiculously long mask, doing nothing to cover up her face, Santana could tell who she was instantly. Her light pink dress reaching down to her ankles, which she noticed was matched with silver, gleaming high heels. She was right too when she saw the mask fall away and was met with the big nosed, huge mouthed Rachel Berry. Santana's first thought was to run, but she figured that it was a bit late to do that now, seeing as the woman was in touching distance. And it wasn't long until she was right in her face too, her smile and big brown eyes being the only thing she could see.

"Santana!" Rachel squealed, right in her ear making the Latina wince a bit.

"Berry" She said back, simply.

The next thing she knew she was being squished in a fierce Berry hug. One she hadn't had in such a long time. Just the way the Latina thought it would stay, but again she guessed she was wrong. She supposed Brittany was friends with her before anyway, so Santana wasn't overly surprised to find her here. But still.

"It has been too long" Rachel said, hugging her just a bit tighter as she did so.

"Yes, it really has" Santana just about managed to wheeze out.

Berry sure knew how to squeeze the living daylights out of someone.

It wasn't until Rachel finally let go that Santana could breathe again. And she did, as much as she could, for she didn't know when Rachel would randomly hug her again. That was definitely something she learnt to deal with when it came to Berry and all her merriment.

"Well, what brings you here, after all these years?" Rachel asked her face still filled with excitement at seeing the ever famous Santana Lopez again.

"Well, isn't it obvious, parties a party, right?" She asked her rhetorically.

Rachel's smile faltered a bit at this statement, this didn't go unnoticed to the fiery Latina. She knew what she had expected her to say; probably the same everyone else would expect her to say too, but she wouldn't ever say it. Not aloud anyway.

"That's true, still the same old Santana I see, fame hasn't changed you then" she said half-heartedly.

"Nope, still the same, if anything fame has made me grow up faster, it definitely has to Puckerman" she told her truthfully, Rachel nodding in agreement at that.

"Yes, that was certainly something I had picked up on him too, when I went to say hello just a moment before.

"It's certainly nice to see you again, I'll tell you that. Did you know that once I'd tell anyone that I knew the Santana Lopez they'd all just roll their eyes and laugh at me, but wait until I tell them that I saw her again at my friends engagement party and got to hug her hello too" Rachel started to rattle away.

This was something Santana didn't miss about Berry. If anything it was only helping her to see what she hated in the girl in the first place. And already she was regretting drinking her martini so fast. She needed another one, if she was really going to do this right now.

So she instantly turned to the innocent bartender again and asked for one more, again he made it in record time, handing it to her before she could even blink. She noticed that he wasn't shaking so much now; maybe he was beginning to get game. If so, then she would need to find another one. Before he could confirm that this too was on the house, Santana took the drink as if it was a simple shot and drank it in one, before turning back round to Berry with a plastered smile on her face.

When she did it was to find that the girl was still going on, she thought she had stopped. Now she was totally confused, she didn't know what the girl was talking about. She knew she was saying about how nobody believed that she knew a celebrity, but now she was just completely lost. But she decided to do her smile and nod again anyway, this always worked.

It seemed to do the trick too as Berry was totally fooling for it, believing that she was listening to her, but really she hadn't the slightest clue. Instead she started to think about where Puckerman might be and if Brittany was finally going to show up.

Santana was just about to drift off into quaking ducks and beams of sunshine until she started to hear what Rachel was saying.

"-I may not be on Broadway yet, or anywhere near it for that matter, but it is a hard career to pursue and after NYADA I just stuck to mainstream instead. To, you know, keep myself on the down low, just for now because I know that soon everyone will be shouting my name too just like they are with you" But before she could continue Santana stopped her by putting her hand out in front of her.

"Wait, wait, you're telling me that you've spent four years in NYADA and you still haven't made it to Broadway yet?" She asked her, not really sure she believed what she heard.

"Well, yeah, I mean I know it was easy for you to become a celebrity, but I just haven't managed to make it just yet, but don't worry I-" once again she was cut off.

"Berry, how the hell have you not made it already?" she asked, her face completely serious, because Santana knew that the girl should already be well on her way to that Tony award she was forever going on about in high school.

How could she have not known this?

"You know what, that's all gonna change. Right now" Santana told her confidently.

"What do mean?" Rachel scrunched up her face in confusion.

"I mean that you _do_ know a celebrity Rachel, you do know me, never mind what other people might choose to believe. No offence but I'm pretty sure you must be used to people laughing in your face by now, but they won't be for much longer. You know why?"

Rachel shook her head, her eyes bulging out of her, intrigued to find out more of what Santana had to say because right now she couldn't believe she was even saying anything to her at all.

"Because, you know, me" she told her slowly, her smile growing bigger with each word she said "I know everyone there is to know, and yeah I don't want to sound all cocky and vain, but it's true. I've been in this business now longer than you have been plucking those hairy eyebrows of yours. I'll get you in Berry.

"I might not be able to make you the star that I know you will be, but I'll at least be able to get you there. Closer than you are now that's for sure." She said, upfront and simple.

"Wait, you want to help me?" Rachel asked, completely perplexed now.

She knew she was pushing her luck by walking over to the Latina and even saying 'hi' but to actually have her help her out in Broadway, was just too much to believe. "Why?"

"Because, believe it or not Berry, I did spend two years with you in Glee Club, and yeah I did start to see everyone in there like family. Don't ever tell anyone that I told you that, but it's true. I may have hated you before, but I don't now. You're still the ever annoying Rachel Berry that I know, but now it's more like the ever annoying sister that I never had, and sisters help each other out.

"So I'm helping you out. Plus I know how much being a star or whatever means to you, and the world just wouldn't be right without a Rachel Berry singing the night away on Broadway. So you're going to stop all this mainstream business crap, and start going for the job that you've always dreamt of having. Like I said I won't make you a star, but I'll get you auditions, easily." Santana said finishing her speech with a small shrug of her shoulders, as if it really was as easy as that.

And for her it was, she _has_ been partying away with Rihanna after all, she even witnessed Lady Gaga wearing that dreadful meat costume. She almost hooked up with Nicki Minaj, of all people, that's something she's still not sure whether to be proud of or not. Like she said, she knows people. She wouldn't be the celebrity she is if she didn't.

Santana couldn't help but let out a real smile when she saw the look on Rachel's face. It was like she was seeing her in a whole new light. She wasn't the fiery Latina that she knew from High School anymore, she was the older, prettier sister that she never had. Santana knew that Rachel was going to cry, she could see it happening before Rachel even knew it would.

So she added "But after that you're on your own, I can only get you so far."

She expected the girl to break down, maybe even squeeze the daylights out of her again, or just break out into a massive speech about how grateful she was to even know the girl. But what she wasn't expecting was for the girl to go into a state of shock. She didn't even seem to be blinking let alone moving. Now she was starting to get worried.

"Rachel? Rachel, talk to me" she said, clicking her fingers in the girl's face, to get her attention back. It didn't seem to work. The woman was literally stuck in her own thoughts right now. Until eventually she started to move.

"Your really going to do that, for me?" she asked her, her eyes looking at her pleadingly, as if she just needed her to confirm it one last time.

"No, you're going to do it, for you. You're a star Berry" she told her, her eyes conveying just how honest she was being. Rachel's only seemed to grow that little bit more. "What are you Berry?" she asked her, doing what her Mamí did to her all those years ago.

"I'm a star" she said back, so quietly Santana wasn't sure if she heard her.

"Wait, what was that?" she asked again, lifting her hand to her ear, as if to gesture that she needed to speak louder.

So that's what she did.

"I'm a star" she said a bit louder this time, her smile growing as she did so.

"No, I still couldn't hear that, and I don't think they could either" she said, pointing to everyone else in the hall.

"I can't do that; people will look at me weird"

"That's not what I asked you Berry, I asked what are you?" Santana said, her voice rising a bit, making people start to look over at the pair now.

Rachel could feel the eyes on her, but looking at Santana's beaming face, the one she never thought she'd see her do because of her, she knew that she had to say it. For the whole world to hear.

"I'M A STAR!" She half shouted half squeaked out.

Her face going bright red as soon as she did, seeing as all eyes was on her now. And Santana couldn't have been more proud. Rachel really was like the cute, irritating little sister that she never had.

"Yeah you are!" Santana shouted back, gaining more eyes to land on them, but they soon carried on with their own conversations once the two women started to burst into laughter.

When the pair started to calm down a bit, Santana started to feel a moment of happiness, one she never thought she would ever feel with Rachel Berry. But here she was, laughing away with the not-so-big-nosed, Jewish woman that she used to pick on so much in High School. Oh how times have changed. And before she knew it, she asked the one thing she never thought she would hear herself say.

"Now, give me some lovin' Berry" her arms opening out wide as she said this.

Rachel just looked at her in shock at first, before leaning in for a hug, which Santana willingly offered her. This night was going better than she ever thought it would.

Santana just let out a little chuckle at the woman's hesitation, making her hug the girl a bit tighter, and even going so far as to rock her to and fro quickly. Both women laughed at this.

"You really do deserve to be on Broadway Rachel, not some crappy T.V show that anyone could play. And I'm gonna get you there, okay?" she asked her, just to be sure that it was okay.

Rachel nodded her head immediately, it was more than okay.

"Thank you Santana, thank you so much" she whispered, so only she could hear her.

She really didn't think that was enough for what Santana was going to do for her, but she knew that it was more than enough for the Latina, so that was all that mattered.

Santana broke the hug, and looked at the woman in front of her sincerely, before going back to the old Latina that they both loved so much, and putting on her best smirk.

"Imma get me some more free drinks now, all this happiness is getting to me" she said, her face serious, but she knew Rachel could see the humour in her eyes.

"Okay and once again thank you Santana" Rachel said earnestly.

"No problem Berry, you gotta love being friends with a celebrity right" she said, winking at her as she started to walk away, looking for another innocent looking bartender to corrupt. Sometimes, Santana loved being her.

After shamelessly flirting with one more bartender and gaining two more free drinks out of it Santana finally decided that it was time to find Puck, although half of her feared for what she would find when she does. She had left the guy for way too long, so God only knows what the man would've been up to in the time she was gone.

Santana floated to the middle of the hall, looking every-which-way as she did so to try and find her annoying bodyguard, whom she loved so much, but couldn't seem to find his pouty-face anywhere. She even looked for women that she knew would be his type – basically, every woman – but still didn't come across any shaven-haired man using cheesy chat-up lines.

And just when she was beginning to truly get worried, not just for him but for her safety too (she kind-of did need a bodyguard), she heard laughter. Not just any laughter, but the soft, gentle laughter that she had become familiar too. As she started to follow the breeze of the gentle hum of her laughter Santana found him. And he happened to have been standing, a bit too close for comfort; to the short, blonde haired woman she had spoken on the phone to only a week ago.

The beautiful Quinn Fabray, and even now - after seven years - Santana found that her sort-of High School best friend was still just that, beautiful.

Santana's face lit up and a smile graced her features at the sight of her. She may have spoken to the woman a few times, and checked up on her 'facebook' page every now and then, but this was the first time in a long while that she had actually seen her up close. And even though she never really liked Quinn Fabray in that way, and still didn't really, she couldn't deny that the woman looked a picture. With her now slightly longer hair since High School all tied up in a delicate bun, her long, silky, silver dress shining away under the chandelier, her white flowery mask held in hand – but not used to cover up her face, instead being left to the sidelines – with her head titled up as she laughed a full laugh at whatever cheesy joke Puckerman had just told her. Quinn Fabray was still just as gorgeous as ever.

Time really hadn't seemed to change anyone from Glee Club, so far, they all still seemed to be their old McKinley self in some way or another. Santana found that she loved them all even more for that, she didn't want any of them to change, especially the one person she was here for – she never wanted her to change in the slightest.

Santana quickly made her way to her two closest friends and kindly broke their conversation with a fined cough, as soon as she did the first thing she noticed was the way Quinn's eyes seemed to grow with each passing second. It was almost like she was slowly adjusting to seeing her there, until eventually she figured out that it really was her standing there, in all her red-dressed glory. Seeing Quinn with her eyes wide open and a loud gasp coming out of her pink lip-glossed mouth Santana found that she smiled even more. Her true Santana Lopez smile, she seemed to have been doing this smile quite a lot tonight, a lot more than she expected to. She put it down to all the alcohol, but she knew otherwise. Before either of them knew it, the loud shrieks came out of the both of them.

"SANTANA!"

"QUINN!"

"You made it!"

"You're here!"

And that was all either of them needed to say before they engulfed in a huge hug, that if anyone ever asked Santana would happily deny ever happened but knowing deep down inside that she was so glad it did. It just reminded her of old times, and how they never would have ever thought that they would find themselves clinging onto each other like this. It was like they both just needed to hold on to something, and that just happened to be each other.

But Santana didn't find it uncomfortable at all, she loved being able to reunite with everyone again, especially Quinn, because even though the woman may have been 'popular' when she was in school, apart from the taller blonde, Quinn Fabray was the closest to a best friend she had. And even though talking to her and catching up on the phone was nice, being able to actually see her and hug her like this was even better. Santana didn't realise how much she actually missed having a girl as a friend until this very moment. She somehow found that she didn't want to let go.

"It is so nice to see again, Santana" Quinn whispered gently in her ear. Santana was too caught up in the moment to even manage to reply so just nodded her head in agreement. Her chin rubbing against Quinn's bare shoulders as she did so, making the shorter blonde laugh at the feeling.

"Well, isn't this a sweet reunion, now just keep standing as you are, and maybe do that whole rubbing her shoulder again thing-" Puck started to say, his face brightening up at the sight in front of him.

It was almost like how a child would look when seeing Disneyland for the very first time. Santana knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Put, the phone, away" she told him sternly, punctuating every word so he would understand. "Just because I might like the ladies, doesn't mean every woman I touch does, got it Puckerman" she scolded him, playfully rolling her eyes at the man's sad-eyed expression.

Santana finally started to lean out of the warm embrace, after Puckerman's rude interruption, and smiled again when she saw Quinn's pretty face. "And it really is a sweet reunion"

Quinn happily nodded at that.

"Even though I knew you were coming tonight, I'm still sort-of shocked to see you here" Quinn told her honestly.

"Didn't think I'd have the guts to truly make it through tonight, I see" Santana said.

"Yeah, and no at the same time" Quinn laughed out, making Santana giggle with her. "I just didn't think you'd make it through at all" she added jokingly.

"Well, I'm here, and happy to be here at that" Santana spoke truthfully. "Even if I did have to endure Berry" she added, a bit more begrudgingly

"Ouch, gotta hurt, I haven't even spoken to the ever annoying woman yet" Quinn chuckled out.

"Hey, don't hate, Rachel's alright, from what I've seen anyway" Puck said, shrugging his shoulders simply.

"Yeah I suppose, it wasn't that bad seeing her again, although I'm still trying to figure out whether I actually offered to help her out in her career or not" Santana told them, confusion starting to form in her face "Don't know how that happened"

"That's weird"

"I know right?" She asked her rhetorically, still trying to wrap her head around it. "But anyway, you look rather gorgeous tonight" Santana told Quinn, looking her up and down one more time.

"Oh a true compliment from a true celebrity, I feel honoured" Quinn said, fining a blush by putting her hand over her heart.

They both let out a laugh at this.

"And so you should, Fabray, because I don't just give them out to anyone, right Puckerman?" she asked the man still hanging around them.

"Err, yeah, what she said" Puck let out, not really knowing what they were talking about, seeing as he ended up in his own little world, but knew from experience to always agree with whatever the Latina said.

"And you have your bodyguard trained, I'm impressed" Quinn said to her, her praise shining through her eyes.

"Yeap, I wouldn't be Santana Lopez if I didn't"

"That's true" Quinn chuckled out "have you seen anyone else from Glee Club yet, or just Berry and I?" she asked, truly curious.

"Just Berry and you, why is there anyone else from Glee here tonight?" Santana asked back, she really did want to see everyone again it had been too long since she last did.

"Well, not everybody could make it tonight, Mercedes is busy living it up in L.A – did you hear that she's on her way to being a celeb too?" (Santana simply nodded her head at this, she had definitely heard about that, and she as well as everyone was happy to hear of her success).

"Kurt and Blaine got stuck at work in New York, Artie couldn't make it seeing as he now lives in England and Mike and Tina obviously couldn't show what with their baby and all, but Finn, Rachel, Sam and us three are all here tonight" Quinn explained to Santana with ease, almost like she had rehearsed it all knowing full well that she would like to know about there where-abouts.

"Well then I'll keep a good look out for Finn and Sam, I haven't seen either of them in a while, and I'm so glad to hear about the Chang's, I knew out of every couple in Glee they would definitely be the ones to last, no offence" she said.

"None taken, my relationships in High School weren't exactly for keeps anyway" she said, looking over at Puck to make sure he didn't get offended.

But when she saw that the man wasn't near them anymore she let out a small sigh of relief. For what reason, she didn't know. "Yeah I'm happy for them too, but come on, they can't have been the only couple in Glee you thought would last" Quinn said looking at her seriously.

"No, don't go there Quinn, okay?" She asked, defensively, raising a hand to stop her from carrying on. "Clearly it didn't last, otherwise I wouldn't be standing here at her engagement party now would I" her anger starting to show, as she began to realise just whose party she was actually attending.

"I know, I know, I'm just saying"

"Yeah, well don't, that's the last thing I want to be reminded of tonight" Santana said back, her anger starting to fade away as Quinn began to nod in understanding. "Anyway, speaking of the bride-to-be, do you know where she is, I haven't seen her all night?" she asked, looking around the hall at the same time.

Quinn just chuckled at the Latina's obvious eagerness, she never was very subtle.

"I haven't seen her yet either, but that's because her and her fiancé are going to be coming later on, they should be here any minute now really"

Santana simply nodded back at that, not really knowing what else to say.

"I just, I can't believe-" but she found she couldn't quite finish off that sentence.

So she took a deep breath and let it out quickly before trying again "I just can't believe she's getting married" Santana just about squeaked out.

She didn't know why she was finding that so hard to say, she'd been thinking it easily enough. So why could she never bring herself to say that out loud, it was true after all.

"And it's not going to be you standing at the end of the aisle" Quinn accidentally let slip.

She inwardly winced when she saw the look on Santana's face. It was almost like she had just punched her in the gut, but then again she might as well have, Santana thought it would probably have hurt less.

"What, did I say about going there Quinn?" Santana spat out making Quinn flinch as the anger became evident.

But Santana knew that this wasn't the time or place for that, she could hate Quinn later on, but for now she had to put on a happy face – especially since her mouth was the most anyone could see of her face.

"I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't mean for that it just slipped out I swear" Quinn practically begged her forgiveness; she genuinely didn't mean for that, she just supposed that old habits never really die sometimes.

"It's alright. I'm over it. And besides your right anyway, I would just be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it. But hey I'm here now and I really do just want to see her again. Nothing more, nothing less" Santana told her truthfully and she knew Quinn believed her she could tell by the way her eyes seemed to soften of all a sudden.

"I get it; you haven't seen your best friend in seven years. You just want to make sure that she's in safe hands"

"Exactly, see there's nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with making sure that this guy makes her happy, and he better make her happy" Santana said in all seriousness.

"Don't worry, he does, that's what she's told me anyway, and you know Brittany. She's not one for lying" Quinn told her.

Santana gave a small smile at that, something Quinn wasn't sure was a good thing or not.

"Yeap, I know Brittany alright" Santana whispered out to herself but Quinn managed to hear it too.

She began to realise that the smile earlier was certainly not a good thing. She hated how both women seemed to be having doubts on each other, it was only seven years. Seven years couldn't possibly change them that much, and yet for the two seven years might as well be a hundred.

She knew that the only thing that could save the last string of their relationship is for them to see each other once more. Even just a glimpse, Quinn knew that would be enough. They just had to see each other to make everything fall into place.

Then suddenly, like the heavens were thinking the exact same thing, not a moment later the big golden doors swung open. The cold, night breeze filling up the room instantly, making every guest aware of the new arrivals at the door. Right there, in front of them all were the newly-engaged couple, arms linked, matching white clothes and smiling away at their guests, the picture perfect couple. Quinn couldn't help but smile back at them, but then she remembered someone who might not do just that.

Santana.

And just as she was about to lean forward to say something to her she realised that there was nobody there. The Latina had disappeared into thin air, she was nowhere in sight. No matter where Quinn looked she couldn't find her tanned skin or red, sultry dress anywhere. For someone who made a living by being known around the world the woman sure knew how to be invisible.

"Damn it!" Quinn cursed her luck before giving a small roll of her eyes. 'Typical' she thought.

* * *

_Please tell me your thoughts, it's always nice to hear from you all, and let me know what you thought of this chap :D_


	9. Chapter 8-Part 2

**Chapter Eight – Part Two**

_30th March 2012_

She couldn't help it; she didn't mean to leave Quinn like that. She knew she should have stayed by her side that was what she was meant to do after all. But Santana just couldn't help it. As soon as those huge golden doors flung open and she saw everyone staring at the two perfect looking people standing there Santana knew she had to get closer. She had to see her, no matter what.

So she disappeared, as soon as she saw Quinn get distracted she knew that would be her only chance, so she took it. She couldn't even see where she was headed, seeing as there were so many people around – and she wasn't exactly the tallest person, even with heels – she couldn't see the door properly, and her mask wasn't helping. Santana wanted to just throw the thing on the ground, give it a few good stampings, just because, before actually making her way to the door. But she knew she couldn't do that, she needed the damn thing, even if most of the people here look way too classy to ever listen to her kind of music she still didn't want to risk it. Tonight was Brittany's night. It _was_ her engagement party, even though it pained her to think it, it was true. Santana wasn't going to take that away from her. So she headed for what she thought might be the gold doors, with her mask on, all while keeping a good look out for that face, the one she hadn't seen in so long.

But as she searched and searched, she couldn't seem to find her anywhere. She didn't know if they would have masks on too, but Santana prayed that they didn't otherwise she would never find them. She would never find her.

She started to get closer to the door now, but she knew that there was no point in going there anymore; they would have already made their way inside. So now she had to turn back around and try to find them all over again, but this time knowing full well that they would be in here, somewhere.

Santana ended up facing the direction of the stage at the side. She was going to look away when a familiar face stopped her. She looked a bit longer, just to be sure that it was him. But Santana knew straight away that it was, for no one else could be as white as he was and have a mouth as big as that.

Standing right there on the stage, with an entire orchestra behind him, in his smartest suit was Sam Evans. She could see that he had finally gotten rid of his Justin Bieber hairstyle, now having it short and simple. His face still looked the same, just a bit more mature and defined. Santana was impressed, she loved that everyone in Glee Club impressed her tonight, she was glad that they all knew just how special this night was.

It involved one Brittany Pierce, so of course it was going to be special. She still couldn't find her anywhere, even though she was now watching Sam, Santana still kept a look out for that familiar flash of gold or blue. And if she saw another type of gold Santana knew to hide straight away. She couldn't allow Quinn to find her yet, not until she saw Brittany. But it wasn't long until all thought flew out the window as she heard a light tapping on a microphone and the sound of someone clearing his voice.

Sam looked so nervous up there, with everyone staring up at him; she was almost tempted to give the man a hug.

"Testing, testing" he mumbled quietly into the microphone, and when he was sure that it was working he carried on. "So, erm, I was asked to sing a song tonight, by the lovely Bride-to-be, Brittany Pierce, and obviously I said yes straight away I think everyone's a sucker for her puppy dog eyes" he said light-heartedly, gaining a few chuckles from the guests.

She could see him become perkier now that he had everyone's full attention and knew that they weren't laughing _at_ him.

"Don't worry James, I'm only joking, I know you're the only sucker really" Sam laughed out; Santana could hear everyone else laugh too including whom she supposed was James. "But anyways, enough with the chit-chat, I was asked to sing so I shall sing. This ones for the lovely couple, may you have wonderful days together, including nights too" Sam ended with a cheeky wink making everyone let out a chuckle again at his joke, some even giving a playful whistle in agreement.

At least they where actually funny this time, Santana was happy to see that he had come a long way since Junior year.

Even though everyone was practically rubbing in Brittany's happy relationship in her face, Santana still found herself joining in with everyone else as they raised their glasses and toasted to 'James and Brittany', she even clapped for them too.

If Brittany really was happy, than who was she to get in the way. That's when the music started, and Santana recognised the soft tune straight away and laughed at Sam's choice of song. She just hoped that he could pull off Frank Sinatra.

#_ Strangers in the night, exchanging glances_

_ Wondering in the night, what were the chances?_

_ We'd be sharing love before the night was through_

Santana began to make her way to the bar again. After seeing everyone immediately pair themselves with a partner for a dance, Santana knew that she'd need a few more Vodka's to help her get through if she was going to have to suffer all this romance for the rest of the night.

She found herself humming and swaying slightly to the song, even though she wasn't fond of it Sam was pulling it off quite well. If she knew that she wasn't all for the ladies Santana would definitely be all up in that, she had to admit Trouty-Mouth wasn't so bad in High School. And it was at that moment, just a few steps away from the bar, that Santana saw her.

_ Something in your eyes, was so inviting_

_ Something in your smile, was so exciting_

_ Something in my heart, told me I must have you_

She could recognise that perfect shade of light blue a mile away. And for Santana she really did seem that far from her, even though she was only a couple of steps away. Santana's breathe hitched; she stopped moving altogether – and maybe breathing too.

Brittany was standing there, in front of her, and she looked breath-taking.

Her skin was a-glow, she could see her shining so bright, just like the perfect smile she had on her face. Santana loved that her freckles could just about be seen, if someone looked hard enough – like she. Her golden blonde hair tied up neatly in a fancy hair-do to go with her simple – but fancy – white dress which also flowed elegantly to the floor. She had light blush and eye-shadow on, with a tad bit of mascara too, so people could admire her dress more than her face. But Santana found that she was all for her eyes, it was all she could see. From that moment on, Santana knew.

_ Strangers in the night, two lonely people_

_ We were strangers in the night_

Santana caught her stare and held it; she wasn't going to look anywhere else. She found that she could breathe again when she noticed that Brittany seemed to have stopped, she was breathless too.

Santana would have given her signature smirk, had it not been for the beautiful angel staring down at her. Santana found that out of everyone tonight, Brittany was the one who looked exactly the same, and Santana loved that the most.

_ Up to the moment when we said our first hello, little did we know?_

_ Love was just a glance away, a warm embracing dance away_

Neither woman moved neither woman seemed to be breathing or thinking at all. They both just seemed to stare longingly at one another, nothing ever breaking them apart. And with each passing second of staring into those pools of blue Santana found herself going back to her six year-old self and seeing those eyes for the very first time.

When Puckerman pushed her and she helped her up, she was being Brittany's perfect Knight as she helped her damsel in distress. Brittany was staring at her the exact same way she did that day, like she had never seen anything more remarkable.

_ And ever since that night, we've been together_

_ Lovers at first sight, in love forever_

_ It turned out so right, for strangers in the night_

Santana wanted to step closer; she wanted to be closer to her because right now she just seemed so far away. She could see that Brittany was thinking it too, but still neither of them could move.

It was almost like they had stepped on glue and were now stuck there forever. She needed someone or something to distract her, to get in their way, but nothing seemed to be happening. So Santana just held her breathe and waited; besides she would stare into those eyes all night if she had too.

Santana could hear the song coming to an end, Sam humming away the rest of the tune until it started to fade, but still she found herself staring. Her arms beginning to get tired as her mask never moved, she then realised that all Brittany could see was her eyes. But she knew from the way that she was looking at her, slowly biting her bottom lip as she did so, it was more than enough for her.

The song came to an end, as did their staring, and Santana noticed an arm slowly make its way around Brittany's waist. And then suddenly she was met with the face of a smiling man as he placed his head on Brittany's shoulder. It seemed so he could see where Brittany was looking, and all Santana could do was smile back.

She hated that their staring was broken, after it seemed to have gone on a lifetime, but what she hated the most was the fact that someone else was now holding her precious damsel in distress in his arms. The exact same way that she used to, all those years ago.

When Santana looked at that face closely, she gasped her hand instantly going to her mouth. She had seen that face before. Those light brown curls, now styled out nicely in a fancy haircut, that broad masculine face, those charming eyes and smile. She knew him. It was James, James Mills. He was from their year in High School. She thought he was an idiot, a sleazebag who charmed his way into girl's pants. Puckerman did that too (she knew that from experience) but James did it more in that cheeky smile way. She thought he'd be the last person she'd ever see again, she kind-of forgot about him, in all honesty, seeing as she never really spoke to the man. And here he was now. Doing that exact same smile, only now with Brittany in his arms.

Santana hated to admit it, but they did look like the picture perfect couple. Standing in that position, all smiles – even if Brittany's did seem off for some reason. James in his perfect white suit, and black bow tie, and Brittany in her perfect white dress (and she knew that she'd be wearing black somewhere to match and seeing as she couldn't see her shoes Santana wasn't sure she wanted to know the other options). Santana dropped her hand and let her smile fade away; she gave a small roll of her eyes at their perfect-ness. But at least with him there that gave Santana the confidence to go up and speak to the couple, it was better than speaking to Brittany alone.

Santana quickly ordered a 'scotch on the rocks' needing something a tad stronger before heading to their direction. She found that James was now looking somewhere else, not in the least interested at seeing Santana Lopez at their party, even with a mask on he knew straight away it was her. But Brittany carried on staring, never once taking her eyes off of the Latina making her way towards them.

When she got there her eyes instinctively landed straight on Brittany's, but her smile was for the both of them. She saw Brittany give her toothy smile back, her eyes instantly brightening now that Santana was standing right there in front of her.

"Well, well, well, look who it is" Santana said to her playfully.

Her voice coming out low and husky, Santana didn't mean to sound flirty, it was just a habit she guessed. But she certainly didn't regret it when she saw Brittany's breathe hitch, especially when she took her time to reply, almost like she had to find her voice.

"Santana, is that really you?" Brittany asked her, her voice coming out small and innocent.

"It's really me, who else could pull off this dress, with this mask" Santana told her pointing to her dress and mask when she said it. Her cheeky smile never leaving her face.

"That's true" Brittany giggled out, she noticed how she seemed to blush a bit and even lifted her mouth up, timidly, to cover it.

It was almost like she had gone back to being sixteen again and having her crush ask her to the prom for the first time.

"I see you still haven't changed then, still the same cocky attitude" James said, breaking her stare from Brittany as she now looked over at him.

She could see through his smile and the way his eyes sparkled that he was only joking, but the way he seemed to have held on tighter to Brittany said otherwise.

Was he scared?

"James, be nice" Brittany chastised, poking him lightly on the arm.

"I am Santana knows I'm only joking, right?"

"Yeah, sure, I see you don't need to be doing any introductions. I still remember you James; hope you're still not that cheeky player that you were in High School?" Santana asked her eyebrows rising as she did so.

"No, no, of course not I'm a one woman man now, right babe?" he asked Brittany, nudging her slightly to capture her attention.

She finally looked away from Santana as she turned her head to the side.

"Of course you are, you don't need to ask me that" Brittany told him sincerely, but looked away almost immediately and went straight back to Santana again; it was like she was scared to look away in fear of her not being there when she looked back. Santana's smile faltered at that thought, she hated making her feel like that. That wasn't something she should have to worry about at all.

"It's so good to see you again Britt-any" Santana stumbled at the end, not really knowing if she could still call her by her nickname. "You look beautiful tonight, definitely better than anyone else in this room" she said truthfully, her eyes twinkling to prove it.

Brittany let out a small gasp at that, before her face began to redden. If she thought she had made her an embarrassed school girl before, she was so wrong, because that was Brittany now. As she began to let out small giggles, covering her mouth again, whilst saying 'stop, no, stop' bashfully. Santana found herself giggling too.

"It's true, really"

"Oh, Santana, if you say so" she batted away shyly.

"Oh I see, so you can believe her when she calls you that but you can't believe me?" James asked, his face falling a bit like he was truly hurt.

Brittany looked back at him, and started rubbing his arm reassuringly.

"That's because you _have_ to say that to me, sweetie"

"Typical" James replied, rolling his eyes playfully.

"You look really nice too, San-tana" Brittany told her earnestly, stumbling on her name too. "And I'm glad you made it tonight"

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world" Santana said genuinely.

Brittany just gave her a toothy smile in reply. That in itself made her heart beat faster. She saw Brittany look away from her and down to her hand, or rather her pinkie on her right hand.

She knew straight away exactly what she was thinking, oh how Santana had missed a simple gesture of theirs like pinkie-links. She wanted to be able to do that with her now, more than anything and by the way Brittany's hand seemed to reach forward, slowly she could tell she wanted to as well. Santana would have let her too; she would let Brittany do anything to her right now, if it hadn't been for James interrupting their moment by asking Brittany if she wanted anything.

"Huh?" Brittany asked him, shaking her head slightly as if to get herself out of her daze.

"I asked if you wanted anything, from the bar."

"Oh, yeah, just an Apple-tini will be fine thanks" she told him, as he nodded and began to walk away.

It was only when he was out of ear-shot that Santana realised she was alone with Brittany. And she hadn't the slightest clue what to say. She wanted to look at her, but she couldn't seem to bring herself too. Not until she at least knew what to say. But nothing seemed to come to mind.

Their silence was growing longer, Brittany wasn't speaking either, and it was beginning to become very awkward. And yet, nothing. She settled for asking 'Why James?' not in the angry way, in the genuinely curious way (because she really was) until she looked up at her eyes.

Brittany looked conflicted; it was like she had been arguing with herself. What about she didn't know, but she guessed that she had something to do with it. Brittany wasn't smiling anymore, or being her bashful self. It seemed she had begun to realise that she wasn't sixteen anymore.

Her face was a mixture of hurt and anger, Santana knew that she wanted to say something, maybe she even wanted answers, either of which Santana would have been happy to give her, if it meant that she didn't look so beaten up inside anymore. But it seemed Brittany didn't want to even give her the satisfaction of talking and instead began to turn around and walk away. Where she was going Santana definitely didn't know she just watched as she began to run away.

The only thing she had the chance to pick up on was the fact that Brittany quietly whispered out "I can't do this" before leaving her there on her own.

All Santana could do was just stand there, as she watched the girl she once knew run away from her. Again. She continued to stare at her backless dress, watching every part of her as she walked out of her life once more.

That's when Santana realised that she shouldn't have to be the one to watch. She shouldn't be the one left in the sidelines. She was still the girl she once knew. _Her_ Brittany was in there somewhere, she knew it. She could feel her from the moment they laid eyes on each other again.

She didn't want to lose her again. She couldn't, even if she tried. Her heart was already hurting too much just watching her leave now. So Santana did the first thing she could think of. No matter how stupid it may be. She knew she shouldn't do it. She knew that she should leave.

I'm at her engagement party for Heavens sake. But she just couldn't bring herself too.

She couldn't fight it anymore. She ran after her. And she didn't look back.

Her heart was hammering away inside of her. Her belly was doing all sorts of flips, but she chose to ignore it all. All she could think about was her. All she could see was Brittany. She didn't want to see anything else.

She followed her and went straight through the golden doors, which lead to the grand garden outside. It was dark. Santana didn't realise how late it must be by now. She couldn't really make out much because of the night sky, but when she looked around she could see hedges and tall trees in the distance. She thought she could make out a pond too, but she couldn't really be sure as the garden was quite big and she was only standing on the stoned patio part of it.

Santana smiled at the luxurious-ness of it all. She knew straight away that this wasn't Brittany's choosing at all. She'd never go for something as upscale as this, especially for a simple party. But then again, she was thinking of _her_ Brittany. She didn't really know a thing about _this_ Brittany. But after that moment in the hall, she was intrigued to find out. She wanted to know every single part of her. All over again. She did have seven long years to make up for.

She knew that Brittany could see her. How could she not, her bright red dress would easily stick out anywhere, especially in the dark. And she knew white would be just as easy to find too. But for some reason, as she looked around at the empty darkness, she couldn't seem to find her anywhere. There were no traces of white to be seen.

Santana tried to squint her eyes but she still couldn't see a thing. She tried harder. Still nothing. Just as she was beginning to lose all hope she heard rustling in the distance. She decided to try and hear it again, to make sure she wasn't just going crazy, and stood very still. She heard it again. It seemed to be coming from her right side. She immediately looked over there, and straight away she knew who was making that noise. She could definitely see her white dress shining out in the black sky. Santana started to make her way towards it, wondering why she was hiding from her behind a bush of all things.

And then she could hear it. It was the sound she missed the most about her. It was the sound of her giggles. Santana started to smile instantly. Every step she took, the giggling got louder, and more contagious too. Soon enough she was giggling with her (even though she hadn't the slightest clue why she was giggling in the first place). She was the one who got freaked out and then ran away. Leaving her almost broken hearted, again.

She reached the bushes and began to decide whether she should let her know that she had found her or play along with the strange game she had made all of a sudden. Santana was going to go with the latter but she really wanted to talk to Brittany right now. She just wanted to hear her voice again. So she quickly lifted her hand to the bush and pushed the small leaves to the side and when she did she was left with the cutest sight she had ever seen. And she had seen many cute things. All mostly to do with the very woman she was staring at now.

Brittany was squatted down in a corner, in her long white dress with a hand covering her toothy smile, as if she was really trying to cover up her giggles. Her eyes were sparkling a deep ocean blue; Santana really hadn't seen anything as cute as that. As cute as her. This was the Brittany she knew. And Santana started to laugh out loud at the absurdity of it all.

"Brittany. What the hell?" Santana asked the blonde haired woman, after her laughter died down. Her eyebrows began to scrunch up in confusion, she wasn't really sure she even wanted to know why she was hiding in a bush in the first place, but it was the first thing she thought of to say.

"What? It's not my fault that you managed to find me out here when I was clearly trying to hide from you in the first place" Brittany told her, her face going serious, but Santana could see the humour in her eyes.

This was definitely the Brittany she knew.

"Well, I suppose it is quite a good hiding spot for someone wearing white in a dark place like this." Santana said her laughter turning into small chuckles.

She really had missed her best friend. And then suddenly everything was beginning to come back to her again. This really wasn't a laughing situation. "But why are you hiding from me Brittany? It's only me" Santana asked her, her sincerity shining through. She never wanted Brittany to have to hide from her.

"That's exactly why I'm hiding, because it's you. Why are you here Santana?" She asked her, all humour now gone out the window.

Santana wanted to bring it back, suddenly, at the seriousness of there conversation now. But she knew it was a little too late for jokes. Seven years too late.

"Because… because I wanted to see you again" Santana told her honestly, her eyes locking onto Brittany's still shining blue ones. "I wanted to see my best friend again."

Brittany looked away when the staring had started to become too much, and she nodded her head in understanding. Santana breathed a sigh of relief at that. She understood.

"Come on, you shouldn't be hiding at your own party. Lets get you inside" Santana said to her. Brittany looked at the door, as if only just remembering where she was.

She started to stand up and nodded her head again, but this time in agreement. She stepped over the small bush and soon was standing right beside the woman she thought she would never see again.

Seven years, she thought. It had been seven whole years, and she still looked exactly the same. And as if reading her mind Santana looked up. They both looked up at each other at the exact same time and couldn't help but look straight into the others eyes. Brown meeting blue once more.

"Lets go inside" Brittany echoed what Santana said, but not meaning any of it.

She didn't want to go inside, not really. She knew she had to but for some reason she couldn't stand the thought of leaving Santana again. Not when she had just got her back. She couldn't bear to ever be without her again.

"Typical, Rachel would choose a Celine Dion song to sing at a party wouldn't she?" Santana asked rhetorically, chuckling as she did so. Their eyes never leaving each others. Brittany scrunched her face in confusion. She was completely lost now. Why would Santana say that?

"Can't you hear the music?" Santana scrunched her face in confusion too.

She wasn't the only one hearing that was she?

Brittany stood still, then, she wanted to know what she was talking about. That's when she could hear the familiar tune of the song in the background, and Brittany finally caught on. Yeah, that was definitely a Rachel thing to do. And then suddenly a slight breeze could be felt, Brittany shivered as she felt the wind brush past her.

_# there were nights when the wind was so cold_

_That my body froze in bed_

_If I just listened to it_

_Right outside the window_

She lifted her hands to either side of her arms and started to rub them up and down to keep warm. But it seemed she wasn't the only one who thought of doing that too, for as soon as she moved her hands up Santana instinctively lifted hers to Brittany's arms too. Her hands touched Brittany's and an instant shock ran through them both. Santana flinched her hands away immediately. It was almost like an electric shock, but she knew that it couldn't possibly be that when she felt butterflies flying around her stomach. She only ever got them when she was either nervous, or when she touched Brittany. She remembered she used to always get that feeling whenever the two touched before. And it seemed that she still got it now.

Their eyes were still looking deeply into one another's, and from the slight wideness in Brittany's she knew that she had felt that too. And then suddenly everything was coming back to her.

All those nights lying next to a blonde haired, blued eyed beauty. All those days spent being right next to her, and never leaving her side. Every cuddle, every kiss, every touch. They all left her feeling exactly how she was feeling now, like she was on cloud nine. And she couldn't look away from those precious blue eyes.

_There were days when the sun was so cruel_

Santana started to move closer to her, never losing eye contact as she did so. She learnt long ago that it was always better when it involved eye contact. The blonde standing in front of her taught her that.

_That all the tears turned to dust_

_And I just knew my eyes were drying up forever_

When they were standing face to face, only mere centre meters away from each other, Santana brought her hand up to Brittany's cheek. Slowly and gently, and she started to stroke her thumb up and down, loving every second of feeling her soft warm skin beneath her palm.

_I finished crying in the instant that you left_

But instead of relaxing into her touch, like she had hoped, Brittany turned her head away from her. Their staring finally broken. She started to look at the ground instead. She couldn't look at her right now, not when all she could think about was all the nights she had spent crying over the woman standing right in front of her.

_And I can't remember when or where or how_

_And I banished every memory you and I had ever made_

Brittany couldn't stand being around her anymore, she was giving her too many memories, too many thoughts. She didn't want to think anymore. Her stomach was driving her crazy with all the flips and tingles just being next to Santana were giving her. So she started to walk away.

But then she felt it. It was small and gentle. But she felt it.

Santana's hand grabbed hold of her wrist, nice and firm. Her hands were so smooth. Her fingers started caressing her out of instinct. She remembered feeling them all over her, inside of her. The thoughts sending shivers to run down her body. Brittany didn't look behind her. She dreaded seeing her eyes right now.

"Don't go Britt?" Santana asked, her voice supposed to be husky but coming out croaky instead, as a lump formed in her throat. She really didn't want Brittany to leave.

_But when you touch me like this_

_And you hold me like that_

Brittany's breathe hitched.

"Please?" Santana's pleading voice breaking Brittany's invisible shield down completely. Seven years of making them for her safety and Santana breaks them in a single touch.

_I just have to admit_

_That's its all coming back to me_

She remembered every touch, every kiss. It was causing Goosebumps to go shooting up her arm, all the way down to her toes. Oh Santana, the things she did to her. Sometimes it was just all too much.

_When I touch you like this_

_And I hold you like that_

Brittany turned around and faced her all over again. She could see the hurt in Santana's eyes and that alone caused the last remaining shield of hers to crumble. She never wanted to see her hurt again. She reached up and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Looking straight into her eyes with determination, she wanted to say it all with her eyes. She wasn't going anywhere.

_It's so hard to believe but it's all coming back to me_

_(It's all coming back; it's all coming back to me now)_

_There were moments of gold_

_And there were flashes of light_

It wasn't until she felt Santana's breathing hit her neck that she realised just how close they were. Her head was screaming at her to move away. It was telling her that she shouldn't be doing this. But then when she saw those mocha lips of hers smiling, her legs couldn't help but wobble a bit, especially under her intense stare. And she knew straight away that her heart was going to win that fight, as it was thudding away like a rabbit leaping through hoops.

_There were things I'd never do again_

_But then they'd always seemed right_

Santana's breathing was getting too much; it was making her feel like she could fly. Her hand tracing shapes on her wrist. Brittany's hand on her shoulder was starting to slip as she started to move in closer.

She wanted to touch the clouds with her. She wanted to see the stars shooting in the sky, with her. She wanted to do everything, with her. Oh the things this girl was making her feel.

_There were nights of endless pleasure_

_It was more than any laws allow_

_Baby, baby_

And then suddenly Santana's free hand grabbed a hold of Brittany's waist and pushed her front into hers. The space no longer existing between the two. They were no longer two, as their bodies instinctively moulded into each other. Even after years of separation. Their bodies never forgot how to react when they touched. They were like a positive and negative magnet, clinging onto each other as soon as they were faced with the force between them.

Brittany breathed her all in. She could smell every part of her. That rich Chanel perfume that she loved so much. Santana was filled with the scent of honey, and a little bit of something extra. She didn't even need to think to know what that was. It was just pure Brittany. She was filled with Brittany, just like she used to be.

_If I kiss you like this_

_And if you whisper like that_

Santana leaned in to Brittany, her lips barely grazing hers before she whispered a small 'Hi'.

_It was lost long ago_

_But it's all coming back to me_

Brittany could feel her breathe on her lips and it made her mouth tingle with want. She wanted her to lean in all the way, right now, her eyes deepening a shade darker at just the thought of feeling those soft, moist lips upon hers again.

_If you want me like this_

_And if you need me like that_

Santana's breathe hitched at the look in Brittany's eyes. She had never seen them so fierce, so full of hunger and want. It was making her whole body tingle, just that little bit more.

_It was dead long ago_

_But it's all coming back to me_

All those years of never seeing each other, to suddenly be in each others arms, like this. Was just too much, it really was too hard to resist. Neither woman wanting too.

_It's so hard to resist_

_And it's all coming back to me_

_I can barely recall_

_But it's all coming back to me now_

_But it's all coming back_

But she had too. She had to fight temptation as she began to remember just where they were. She shouldn't be out here, with Santana. She should be inside, with him. And suddenly she remembered everything.

She remembered walking away. Santana leaving, all the pain and hurt caused by that one simple fact. She didn't want to see her face, her beautiful, beautiful face. Brittany instantly turned around, her back hitting Santana's front instead. But instead of getting rid of the tingles it only made her shiver more. Causing both women's breathe to hitch at the new found sensation.

_But you were history with the slamming of the door_

Brittany ripped her wrist away from Santana's warm hands. The cold air hitting her hand instantly at the loss of contact. But she chose to ignore it. She tried to break free of her grip but Santana only used her other hand to hold onto her tighter, bringing Brittany back into her.

_And I made myself so strong again somehow_

Brittany turned her face to look Santana dead in the eyes. Her eyes were no longer filled with want, but hate. She hated what she made her go through. She hated how she made her feel. She shouldn't be feeling anything.

_And I never wasted any of my time on you since then_

She turned towards her again and placed both hands on her shoulders and she started pushing Santana backwards, slowly. Her eyes saying everything words couldn't. The sparkle was no longer evident; her eyes were dark and piercing, full of anger and Santana gasped at the strength of it.

_But if I touch you like this_

Santana never wanted to see Brittany look at her like that again. She never wanted her to feel hurt again. So she used the fact that Brittany's hands were on her shoulders to her advantage and placed her hands on the blonde's small waist. Her hands tingled with the simple touch and Santana smiled at this. Brittany's eyes started to lighten at the sight. She never could stay mad at the girl for long. She started to smile back.

_And if you kiss me like that_

Santana inched in closer and rubbed the tip of her nose on Brittany's, causing both women to burst into light laughter. Hearing Brittany's laugh was magical to Santana, it was like the best music in her ears. She never wanted her to stop.

_It was so long ago_

_But it's all coming back to me_

Brittany's hands loosened their hold on her shoulders and she started to feel a tingle from her skin touching hers. Brittany never wanted it to stop.

_If you touch me like this_

_And if I kiss you like that_

Brittany's eyes flicked down to her lips, the temptation coming back all over again at just the sight of their plumpness. But she shook the thought away by looking back into those dark chocolate brown eyes. She could feel herself melt into them; she really couldn't look anywhere else anymore. She was hypnotised.

_It was gone with the wind_

_But it's all coming back to me_

_(It's all coming back, its all coming back to me now)_

_There were moments of gold_

Santana flicked Brittany's stray hair, making golden hair fly around in the air before coming straight back down to its place. Brittany smiled even more at Santana's random act of playfulness.

_And there were flashes of light_

And then suddenly she was twirled out of Santana's grasp as she was spun round and around gracefully.

_There were things I'd never do again_

_But then they'd always seemed right_

Santana grabbed hold of Brittany's hand and as quickly as she could she twirled her back into her arms. Using all her strength Santana decided to lift Brittany up by their attached hands. Brittany helped her by giving a small jump, and Santana used all her muscles and held her tightly as she started to spin them around. Their laughter floating away in the pitch-black sky.

_There were nights of endless pleasure_

_It was more than any laws allow_

Once she stopped spinning them, Santana brought Brittany back down. She started to wrap her right arm gently around Brittany's stomach, her left hand grabbing her waist to push her back into her. All laughter was gone when they both began to realise the position they were in.

Brittany let out a small moan at the feeling of Santana's warm front against her behind. The pleasure getting to her, making her head go all fuzzy with the memories of long nights spent in bed together, and lazy mornings waking up together. Oh, if only she could be sixteen again.

_Baby, baby, baby_

_When you touch me like this_

_And when you hold me like that_

Santana nuzzled her face into Brittany's bare neck, the smell of honey and Brittany filling her up inside-out. Brittany gasped at the sensation, her toes curling inside her black high-heeled shoes. Brittany's head started to instinctively turn the opposite way to give Santana more room, but Santana stopped her by lifting a hand to her chin. She slowly turned her face towards her.

_It was gone with the wind_

_But it's all coming back to me_

_When you see me like this_

_And when I see you like that_

Instead of looking into each others eyes, they both admired one another's faces. Looking at every single detail on each others face, it was almost like they had never done it before. That's because they hadn't, time had changed them. They were completely different people. There was so much more to see now.

_Then we see what we want to see_

_All coming back to me_

_The flesh and the fantasies_

Every touch, every kiss, was ingrained in their minds. They simply couldn't look at anything but each other. They were in their own world now, wrapped up in each other. Santana's hand still holding Brittany's chin, making her head look at hers.

_All coming back to me_

_I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now_

Brittany's hand reached for Santana's shoulder, slowly and gently. Santana moved her hand away from Brittany's chin when she was sure Brittany wouldn't look anywhere else and brought her hand to Brittany's shoulder too. She started to slowly bring her hand down Brittany's arm, her fingers lightly grazing Brittany's skin. Santana loved the feel of Brittany's warm, soft skin against hers. Goosebumps started to follow Santana's trail down her arm, as Santana gracefully stroked her until her hand reached the one on her shoulders. Her fingers interlocked with Brittany's, even though she wasn't looking Santana knew that their hands looked perfect together. The perfect combination of bronze and cream.

_If you forgive me all this_

Santana's hand moved from Brittany's waist to her lower back. She started to bring Brittany down, backwards. Brittany's back arching as she leaned down elegantly, Santana's arm holding her in place. Their eyes connected together, both smiling at each other.

_If I forgive you all that_

_We forgive and forget_

Santana could see all the hurt in Brittany's eyes slowly fade away. A twinkle replacing it, as it shone brightly in the night sky. Just like one of the many stars above them. Santana unlocked their hands from each other on her shoulder and brought her free hand down to Brittany's heart.

_And it's all coming back to me_

_Now…_

_(It's all coming back to me now)_

_And if we…_

Santana was staring at Brittany with such intensity, so much love, that Brittany's eyes began to water. She'd never felt so loved in such a long time. She really had missed her best friend.

Santana could see Brittany's eyes glaze; she could feel the stillness of the night now that the music – and Rachel's powerful voice – had faded away.

The air was suddenly so hot and heavy, the chemistry burning up the sky, their love for each other being so strong both Brittany and Santana wanted to look away, even just for a second, but couldn't bring them too. So Brittany did the only other thing she could think of and started to learn up towards Santana and those plump lips of hers.

Both their eyes closing on instinct, as they braced themselves for the one thing that both women had wanted to do for so long but never thought they'd ever get the chance to do again.

Santana started to lean down.

Her hand still placed over Brittany's heart. They could feel each others breathe mingling together as their lips parted just the slightest bit. The anticipation being so strong that neither woman could think of anything but what they were just about to experience again, after seven whole years.

Their lips grazing each others. Just one inch more and they'd reach their destination.

"Brittany!"

And just like that the moment was over. Brittany snapped her eyes open to see Santana already leaning back, her eyes open and confused. Brittany turned to where the source of the voice was and saw Hayleigh standing impatiently by the golden doors, shooting daggers at the Latina in front of her.

The one whom had helped her back into her standing form without her even realising that she had moved. The one whom she had almost kissed at her engagement party. And then suddenly James was clear in her mind. She had almost kissed her at her Engagement Party!

How stupid could she get?

Brittany knew that she wasn't always the smartest person, but to actually almost have kissed someone, and so willingly too, whilst her fiancé could have easily had seen her was just plain dumb, even for her.

"Brittany, get inside, now!" Her sister shouted at her. "James is looking for you!" she pointed behind her to prove her point, before turning away and heading back inside.

Brittany had never felt so ashamed of herself then she had at that moment. She looked at Santana and could see the guilt all over her face. The apology begging to come out in her eyes. But Brittany knew that she couldn't put all the blame on her, she was just as much at fault as she. They both weren't thinking properly and got caught up in the moment.

Stupid Rachel, why'd she have to sing that, of all songs, at my party?

But Brittany couldn't even put the blame on her either. All she could do was just look down, shamefully, and shake her head at them both. She looked back up, after taking deep breathes, and saw Santana's eyes begin to water.

As much as she hated to see her hurt, she really couldn't do anything about it, not after what they had just done. And were almost about to do. She couldn't believe herself, and to do that to James of all people. He didn't deserve it, not at all.

What if he were to ever find out? Would they break up? Would he still want to marry her?

She loved him too, she couldn't let him find out, and she couldn't do that to him. He was what was important right now, and as much as she hated to see her upset, especially from her doing, her relationship meant more. She hadn't seen the girl for seven years, seven more couldn't hurt, maybe even longer. Either way she would handle it, she had James now, of course she could.

So she decided to follow her head this time, as her heart was just asking for trouble. She looked Santana straight in the eyes, Making sure to cherish every moment of seeing those amazing dark chocolate eyes. Her face instantly hardened and her eyes became fierce and blazed a dark blue. Brittany could see Santana shiver from the power of them.

"I think you should leave now" Brittany told her, straight-forwardly. Keep it short and simple, that's always the best way.

But no matter how much she tried to reassure herself, nothing would have ever prepared her for the stabbing pain she got in her heart as soon as she said the last words she would ever say to her beautiful Latina.

"Leave and Don't Come Back" she said each word so sharply and full of venom she didn't even know she possessed that it pierced the both of them.

But she couldn't take it back. Not now, not ever.

She turned her back on her straight away, before she could see her reaction, and for the third time in their life, walked away from her. But this time, for good. Santana was left to watch her walk away. This time, she couldn't do anything about it.


End file.
